


training wheels.

by douxdamian



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Aged-Up Dib (Invader Zim), Alien Culture, Angst, Astrapophobia (Fear of Thunderstorms), Depression, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, M/M, Past Brainwashing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective & Jealous Dib, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Romantic Tension, Self-Discovery, Sexual Tension, Teasing, The Trial (Invader Zim), dib's curious and zim's just confused, zim & dib both learn how to love, zim gives weirdly good advice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-20 14:50:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20677190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/douxdamian/pseuds/douxdamian
Summary: Zim has spent quite a few years on Earth where he doesn't understand mankind's morals. Though, when his PAK starts malfunctioning and he receives phantom pains and memories of things he can't recall, he's unable to discover the problem alone. He goes to Dib Membrane, his eccentric childhood rival, for help, not only on his strange behavior, but on the little word humans like to call 'love'.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> multi-chap fic yay
> 
> just a note i've never read romeo & juliet so if i butcher some things about that story i sincerely apologize.
> 
> this was meant to just be a measly oneshot but then it got too big and crammed. i'm completely winging it as i go along.

Earth was strange. Well, the dominant species that inhabited the planet were strange. The pile of dirt was just a pile of dirt to Zim’s eyes.

Hypothetically, Zim could conquer the planet right then and there, sitting in his base, with hundreds of bioweapons seeped deep into the soil, awaiting launch. Though, Zim was having, admittedly, ‘fun’ on the meaningless rock.

He was within his home, a selected metal panel removed from an outdated hard drive within his computer. GIR had decided it was a good idea to open several million tabs of the annoying ‘baby shark’ song and fried it up. So there Zim was, goggles stuck to his face as he tinkered with the wiring, bolts and zaps blipping through his tools.

His mind ran rapidly with thoughts.

There were such complex things about humans. The way they physically needed a mother’s warmth in order to grow up mentally healthy, craving touch and warmth from other humans, working every day paying cash to just exist, society choosing who rules based on popularity and politics about false promises... Zim was bewildered during his first presidential election. He’d never witnessed such a thing. Humans are odd.

Schools always had the same goal, but the kids created sections for themselves to make haste with educational prison. Cliques, standards, rumors, groups, dances, fundraisers, assemblies, sports… what purpose was there? On Irk, everything is immediately installed to a smeet at birth. Smeets aren’t given a chance to have childhoods and work out mistakes.

They never could afford to make mistakes. It’d be forever lodged in history, knowledge accessible to each PAK. One mistake, and a big fat red defective label would be on your forehead forever.

A burning sensation shocked at his claw, and he hissed, pulling back.

Zim hated it when he got like this. It was a pathetic flaw in his system; overthinking and over-analyzing. He sat back in his chair, the wheels stuttering back slightly as he looked at the mess he would have to clean up.

Could he fix his mind?

Instead of imagining useless blueprints in his mind, it remained blank. There was nothing to fix.

It had been a few months since his trial with the Control Brains. It had taken Zim too long to recognize that it indeed was a formality from his Almighty Tallest to get rid of him; not only exile him but to  _ execute  _ him.

In denial, Zim had refused to believe so for a long time. He still did his frequent check-ins with his leaders, but eventually, he stopped after a lesson in school where he’d discover dictatorship. Of course, his mind had argued against it. Zim continued to praise a strict government in his head, but eventually, he learned of the horrors it would cause, all the rebellions, the thing called ‘free will’ and ‘rights’...

Zim didn’t sleep that night.

Thinking about it now made him scoff in amusement. Was he really going to go into depth about how he was thinking treason had a point?

_ ...Was _ it treason?

“Stop thinking like this!” Zim snapped out loud, smashing his gloved fists against the keyboard in front of him. He winced, crossing his arms on the surface and resting his head on them.

Only defective irkens would ask questions to such horrible, horrible ideas…

The Control Brains statement relayed in his head, repeating of his defective status.

Zim slowly edged his fingers towards his back and felt the metal appendage. Staring at his reflection on the offline computer screen ahead of him, he watched as a deep red glow pulsed around his hand. Gently touching the PAK, a sudden flash of phantom pain and blurred visions shot through him, causing him to shiver and choke.

Blinking in surprise, he took off his goggles and looked at his body. He wasn’t in any physical pain, so why…?

He placed his hand on his head.

Zim felt tired.

—

Romeo and Juliet.

Going over his discoveries about the fiction, Zim frowned.

The old English text danced around its true meaning. It frustrated Zim. He heard media sources quote it consistently, speaking of the ‘William Shakespeare’ like a deity. He was just a human man who wrote complicated and sticky English words. Romeo and Juliet was one of his most popular works, but it fell short of Zim’s expectations. Disappointment coursed through his blood, heavy, weighing his shoulders downwards as he couldn’t find it in him to try to make it out himself.

Zim met with the literature teacher he was assigned to after class. He usually didn’t ask questions, but only a human could ever understand another human’s true intentions.

“Ms. Carter,” he started. The young blond woman turned her head towards him, hazel eyes widening. Zim diagnosed her feeling as surprise. Perhaps, it was because this was a first. He placed the book on her metal desk. “This literature is puzzling.”

The teacher pursed her painted lips before murmuring a quiet ‘oh’ and focusing her body towards him. “I see. How so? Is it the words?”

“No,” Zim replied sternly, “I can read it just fine. The… the  _ theme  _ of the story,” he hesitated, wincing, “I don’t get it. The man dies. The woman lives. Over a relationship. Why did he take his life in such a selfish manner?”

He furrowed his brows. “I don’t understand this narration...” Zim was tempted to vent about his feelings towards the man’s death, but he kept it to himself, knowing humans would most likely not understand his babbling.

Ms. Carter sighed. “Zim, have you ever been in love?”

A hollowness fell through him.

The human looked away. “Well, this book… it’s not just about a man dying for a woman. It’s about the love they shared with each other. It’s describing a love so passionate, so intense, that their lives are in the fallout when it comes to the war of their feelings.”

War. Fallout.

Distant memories peeked at the back of his head. He could recall the color of yellow, orange, pink, red… red… red… a ringing noise surrounded him, body losing its natural sensations before a voice called to him.

“Zim?”

Zim blinked. He swallowed harshly before clearing his throat. “Of course. You’re right.” He stared down at the book.

Romeo and Juliet.

Ms. Carter laughed. “It’s really complicated, isn’t it? Ah, but I doubt high school students would know…”

Zim slowly spoke, “...It’s just overrated.”

Moments later, he exited out of her classroom, walking down the hall before pausing and glancing outdoors. It was raining. Sprinkles of water dripped from the shelter of the roof and released into a puddle against cement. Zim stared outside that clear, glass door, before stepping out and entering the entryway. Another opening of a door, he was finally outside, feeling Earth’s cool air hit him. Protected by a metal top, he stepped near the edge of the roof’s shadow, gazing down at the darker cement, shimmers of rain reflecting into his contacts.

Zim pulled out the book and stared at the cover. Droplets of water hit the top of Romeo and Juliet, rolling down the name of the author.

Love. Such a short, indecent word. There wasn’t anything he loved.

There wasn’t anything he  _ could  _ love.

Just a defective little irken with nowhere to go, stuck on a planet that he couldn’t understand nor could understand him.

Zim felt frustrated that he couldn’t diagnose this feeling.

He began to step out and let the rain hit him, it sizzling against his skin. The pain felt like nothing. Zim had grown rather immune to the liquid during his various fights with Dib.

His mood softened. Dib… surely, this human specimen, could—

_No!_ Absolutely not. Zim began to stomp on the ground as he exited the school’s premises.

He did not need support from a human. He knew humans were the most emotional, fragile creatures alive, but if Zim had to beg, he would much rather be forced in a pit of space crocodile monkeys.

Though, he found himself walking in circles around the block, clutching the book tight within his grasp, ranting within his head about how much he loathed Dib. Rain continued to pellet his body, his skin feeling tender.

Zoning out for a long while, he paused. He cast his focus ahead and found himself…

...at Dib’s house.

While they weren’t constantly fighting each other like they used to do years ago, a certain tension remained between them. Zim could feel it every time they shared the same classroom, or pass by in the hall. Dib’s eyes would lock onto him, and Zim would glance back, but no words would be said. Just a silent understanding of mistrust.

This was stupid. He didn’t require the human’s aid. Zim could probably conjure something up himself.

He always did. Zim had to discover things alone. His entire journey has been alone, and it would remain that way. Asking for help from an inferior creature like a  _ homosapien…  _ it made Zim’s squeedily spooch churn. Zim could already imagine his irken peers laughing at him. It made him feel… strange… thinking about the several grinning faces of irken elite soldiers making a mockery of Zim. The exiled irken had dealt with it before and used to live a world through ‘rose-tinted glasses’ as humans would say, but now that he took them off…

...The only thing Zim could put the sensation into words is how his skin felt. Broken. Sore. Are such things applicable to a conscious mind?

The alien realized where he was and turned his heel before his antennae twitched beneath the wig. He heard a door open.

“Zim?”

Zim whipped around to see Dib across the yard at his front door.

“You see… I didn’t think much of you being here, I was going to ignore you, but I’m a little weirded out at you just… standing there… blankly… in the rain...”

Fanged teeth clenched together behind closed lips. He had to prove to Dib he was no weakling. “Hah!” Zim laughed, placing a hand on his hip, feeling everything burn beneath his clothing, “Stupid human. I’m not standing here blankly, I am plotting. Taking a clean look at your house. That’s all.”

Dib rose a brow. “In the rain, Zim?”

Zim nodded. “Of course. Some filthy weather isn’t going to stop my conquest.”

It remained quiet. Zim kept his expression and stance inert, as much as it felt odd and made him want to melt into goo. He didn’t know why Dib wasn’t laughing, or chasing him away, or approaching him. Dib just stood at his door, gazing at him with some look behind those glasses of his.

Everything felt overwhelming.

_ Is that pity I recognize on your face, human? _

“Stop staring at me,” Zim warned lowly.

“I mean… I don’t know what’ll happen if I stop.” Dib leaned against his door frame, crossing his arms. “I can stand here all day and watch you turn to ashes from the rain, or…”

_ Or? _ Why is that position negotiable? Exactly, what is Dib thinking, planning, scheming? The human boy absolutely agitated Zim. Zim despised him.

“...you could come inside.”

A wind blew against him.

_ What? _

Suddenly, it felt like his brain was going into overdrive. Billions upon billions of thoughts overloaded his head, and he moved a hand up to the side. He couldn’t focus. Clutching at his face, he growled, casting a surprised look towards his rival. “What?” Zim repeated.

Dib sighed. “Zim, you look pathetic right now. As much as I love to see you wallow for who knows what reason, it’s kind of bumming me out you’re just hurting yourself as a result. It’s probably serious.” He got off of the door frame and stepped aside. “So… just, come in, I guess.”

Zim opened his mouth to argue, but the rumble of thunder sounded in the distance. It didn’t seem audible to human ears, as he witnessed Dib’s undisturbed reaction, but Zim couldn’t be out in the open when Earth was making big boom noises that could murder him.

The acid-like sensation on his skin got to be too much, and he found himself marching quickly down Dib’s yard and storming inside his stupid human house. Dib closed the door behind him, and Zim shook his body slightly, droplets flying.

“Hey! What the hell—” Dib raised his arm to block his face before peering down at Zim with a frown, “...are you like a dog or something?”

“Zim is not a dog,” he replied simply. Dib’s so confusing. What about Zim looked like a dog?

His body was quietly thanking him, feeling grateful for the dry air, his skin already repairing itself. Zim patted his fake raven black hair casually.

“So… uh, let’s go to my room, I guess.”

Zim’s automatic response was to begin hyper-analyzing Dib’s intentions. Though, suddenly, his mind shut down, growing drowsy with the idea. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. Acknowledging Dib, he followed him up the stairs, his body somewhat weaker than normal. His senses felt dull, and Zim winced in irritation.

Perhaps, after his odd behavior, standing and walking about the rain was a bad idea.

Everything seemed like a bad idea.

“So… what book do you have there?” Dib awkwardly spoke once they entered his room. Zim glanced around. He never got a great look around the section before, but it seemed to be filled with gadgets, magazines, comics, files, and… a corkboard filled with imagery of Zim.

Zim ignored Dib’s question. He walked towards the corkboard and stared at all of the drawings and photos.

His eyes analyzed it critically, before landing upon a sketched out Irken Armada symbol.

A tightness formed in his chest. Throat dry, Zim casted his eyes away from the weird stalker-like shrine to stare at the floor.

“...I’m not weird, I swear, Zim,” Dib cut through his thoughts. The irken’s point of view landed upon the human. “I mean, that’s not all of them. There used to be more but—” the human stopped talking, recognizing he was digging a deeper and deeper hole. Zim didn’t care, though.

Zim sat on the bed, ignoring Dib’s weird look. He held the book tightly between his claws. “Dib-thing, have you read William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet?”

Dib rubbed the back of his neck, taking a hesitant seat in his chair. “Well, yeah. We’ve all had to read it at some point.”

The alien rubbed the front of it. “The teacher was not…  _ helpful  _ when explaining the depth of this book,” Zim gestured to it, patting the back of his knuckles against the cover. “I don’t get it. I don’t understand human’s most treasured things. She spoke of the man, Romeo, dying like he was the equivalent of a hero.” He frowned. “These humans are not heroes… no, an honorable death is not drinking poison because your snogging counterpart perished. An honorable death is taking a spear to the chest protecting your Tallest. Your leader.” Zim’s eyes locked onto Dib’s. “She spoke of this ‘love’ like it’s a battlefield. She knows no battlefield.”

Dib remained quiet, blinking a few times. “Wow… so you’re upset over a book?”

“This is not just any book, Dib!” Zim stood up, watching how Dib remained unresponsive to his sudden outburst, only his eyes following him. “This… this is a lie. What these humans cherish; it’s a lie. I don’t understand how your species can live knowing that things like this...” he threw the book on the ground, “...promote horrible, horrible propaganda.”

He flopped back onto the bed, the mattress bouncing him in return.

Zim felt weary.

Dib sighed, leaning down to pick up the book. “Zim, humans aren’t… irkens,” he told.

“Clearly.”

“Let me finish,” Dib interrupted, “We have shorter life spans than you. While that’s probably nothing to you, it’s the longest thing we’ll ever experience… and life can get really,  _ really  _ boring on Earth when you’re not fighting to survive each and every day,” he paused, “...or maybe you are, and you just need a sliver of… joy or something.”

Zim was staring at his lap as Dib spoke. Though, hearing the quiet tone that slowly overcame the human’s previous voice, he glanced upwards.

Dib was looking at the book. He opened it and scanned through the pages. “A lot of humans crave romance and love because it’s something to help us get by from the world’s cruelty. To share your life with someone special, someone you really care for… it’s kind of the greatest honor here on Earth, like your irken’s version of serving your Tallest.”

“But... “ Zim started, “How? How can humans just… live off of a single  _ emotion?” _

“Oh, no,” his rival chuckled, “Love isn’t an emotion, Zim. It’s so much more complicated than that.”

The alien huffed, feeling like he was being lectured. “Then explain, human.”

Dib pushed his lips out before resting his elbows on his chair’s arm and placing his chin on his fist. “Y’know… it’s kind of hard when you’ve never… indulged in romance before,” Dib murmured nervously.

Zim tilted his head before scoffing. “The Dib has never had one of Earth’s self-proclaimed greatest honors?”

“Shut up.” His cheeks were pink, and on Zim’s years on earth, that was often indicating embarrassment. He felt slight pride in that, as much as his emotions were dulling. “It’s not something you can just pick up. Love is something you grow.”

“Is there a seed?”

Dib gave a short laugh. “Oh, no. I wish, right? That would solve so much shit with people,” he waved his free hand before straightening his posture. “Nah, it’s something you have to grow within yourself in a way. Metaphorically, not literally. There’s no seed or something you can implant in you.” He folded his arms across his waist, glancing to the side, “It just kind of happens… and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“So, wait, you’re telling me you puny humans cannot control your ‘love’ power?” Zim murmured before smirking. “Now that’s  _ scary.” _

“It is, actually, I’m not arguing with you on that.” Dib weaved his hand through his hair and sighed. “It can make people do stupid, stupid things…” They let silence fall between them before Dib interrupted curiously, “...Do irkens feel love?”

“I’ve never heard of it until now, but I suppose somewhere deep within the irken language, there’s a word referring to that… definition,” Zim told, unsure, “but… it feels like…” He tried to bury his mind within his PAK, trying to connect, but immediately felt static and emptiness fill his senses, “...it’s been erased.”

Zim twitched and placed his hands on his head.

_ Defective irken. _

He removed his hands, blinking in surprise at the harshness of those two words being spoken within his head.

_ Digging for data that has been fortified. Blacklisted. _

It was his own voice.

“Zim…?”

Zim growled, pinching his skin between his claws as he buried them into his arms.

The human had come over nearly instinctively, sitting beside Zim, as if to give aid if necessary. He didn’t understand the gesture. Dib remained confusing as ever.

“Zim is fine,” he gritted out, keeping his face turned away from Dib.

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. You’ve been really weird, so I can’t even try to make myself forget about your obvious lying.” Dib’s voice sounded stern, as if upset. “You’ve been a real pain in my ass lately, you know?”

Zim didn’t look.

“Every day I expect you to be up to something. For me to wake up in the middle of the night and be forced to step out of my warm bed to stop your cold deeds. And what am I met with? A decent night’s rest. At school, I expect you to put explosive ink in my pen and have my hand burnt to a crisp. But no. You just sit in class and listen.”

Dib went quiet before continuing, “You’re the only thing I really believe in. Like, the only thing I know that will fall through with its word. But you’re not. You’re not doing anything anymore but standing… standing outside my house… in the rain… looking like a kicked puppy.” His voice was strained, trying not to show that he was too upset, but Zim could feel his anger with each syllable.

_ You even fail your rival,  _ the dark voice taunted.

“I thought inviting you in here… you’d try to kill me, or something. Maybe it was a plot. But you’re just ranting about some stupid Shakespeare work and being confused over things I don’t quite understand either.”

Zim glimpsed over at him. Dib leaned over to place his arms across his legs, staring at the ground, frustration building at his expression.

“And… I don’t really get it, Zim, but I feel like… this is some sort of cry for help. As much as it’s weird, I feel like… helping you with this. Because I might help myself understand things, too.”

The cells in his body quaked at the thought. His PAK was arguing with that message. Zim felt exhausted.

Dib moved his chin to gaze at him. His amber eyes looked defeated. “...Are you okay?”

Three words Zim didn’t understand. He’d never been asked that, nor has he asked it. Has Zim ever come across this saying before? The irken felt so confused, he felt his eyes swell, he kept  _ feelings things  _ and it was driving him mad. “I don’t know what you’re asking of me.” It sounded nearly desperate. His PAK was internally badgering him at his tone of voice. He was Zim, it kept reminding him. Invader Zim.

The human was crestfallen. Though, red reflected off of his glasses. He leaned back to gaze at Zim’s PAK. “Um… is this thing… doing something?”

“What?”

“Your PAK, it’s…” Dib trailed off, and Zim didn’t know what he was up to. He turned and watched the moment Dib’s hand made contact with the informational appendage.

Suddenly, everything was warped into black. Crowds and crowds of irkens stared at him, the most prominent colors red and purple standing out, before large bulbs of maroon orbs peered at him.  _ Defective _ , they told.  _ You are defective, and must be eliminated. _ Red and purple smiles. Wires pulled at him, clamps grasping onto his PAK and tearing it away from his back. It was a searing, horrible, agonizing pain.

“Please, stop! Zim is not defective!” Zim pleaded at his Tallest, at his masters, “I can still conquer! I can still obey!”

Laughter. They were so happy to see him suffer. They wanted this. They asked for it.

“Zim, whoa, whoa.”

Everything flashed back into Dib’s room. Zim sat there, blank. It felt so quiet. So very quiet. His antennae were itching beneath the wig, his eyes dry against his contacts.

“Zim, hey.”

A hand waved in front of his face. His focus locked onto it, mesmerized, before following the arm and seeing Dib peered over at him, concern wracking his entire face. Zim didn’t have words. Nothing came from his throat. He couldn’t even think. Everything was passing by him.

“You’re still with me, right? You were shouting… I um…” Dib looked nervous. “...What is happening with you?”

Zim stared at his hands. “I don’t know.”

He clenched them together before admitting, “And it’s terrifying me.”

—

A day passed. Zim recalled him leaving Dib’s house suddenly, humiliated from the human witnessing his vulnerable state.

He sat on the red couch, staring at the television as GIR sat beside him, eating. Zim listened to the low rumble of thunder and felt his body shiver in response. He hated Earth’s noises. It was unsettling, creepy, and loud. Zim recalled his first thunderstorm, his back arched as he clung to GIR’s head and demanded the computer to scan what it was.

The sensation of recalling something fond from his past brought a peculiar feeling to him. Zim couldn’t diagnose it, but it wasn’t horrible.

Zim groaned and moved down to his secret elevator, demanding he go into his experimental chambers. He had to figure out what was wrong with his PAK. Stepping into the dimly lit space, he turned on the lights properly, moving towards a chair and sitting in it.

“Computer, connect to my PAK.”

The computer’s wires sunk inside the red spots. Zim winced at the sensation. PAKs were important to irkens, they had been for centuries. It was a part of them, a special part, and tinkering with it… Zim gulped. At least he didn’t have to face the Control Brains again.

He hoped.

“Scan the PAK for any viruses or flawed codes.”

“Er… I can’t.”

Zim blinked at the computer’s voice. He frowned. “What do you mean? That’s an order.”

“Master, I am irken technology. I am unable to disobey the firewall.”

He frowned. Firewall? “What firewall?”

“There’s an incredibly strong firewall blocking the tremors you are facing. Even if I tried to hack it, I wouldn’t be able to. I’d get put offline.” It felt like there was a boulder in Zim’s spooch.

“There’s nothing you can do, computer? Absolutely nothing to diagnose me?”

The computer gave a quiet hum. “No… but… there is a place on Earth that can help you actually crack this firewall open.”

A certain image flashed through Zim’s eyes. Zim felt offended, stripping the wires off of him forcibly, pointing at the ceiling. “You are corrupt if you believe that I’m going to request the support of- of—”

Pain sizzled at his PAK. He hissed and touched it. The sensation, in human terms, was similar to pulling out an IV lodged in an arm’s vein. Zim shouldn’t have done that. “...Fine.”

Putting on his disguise, he sighed. Giving GIR control of the house, which caused him to squee and let out a harsh ‘yes sir’ before he flopped on the couch and spilled a soda over his face, Zim stepped outside. It was raining. He cursed under his breath, but he knew that if he didn’t go as soon as possible, the phantom pains would only grow worse. Zim power-walked through the streets, rain covering his body. It burned.

Storming down the Membrane’s yard and smacking his fist against the door, he was surprised to be met with a taller Dib-like man.

“Hm? Oh, Dib’s little foreign friend! Why, it looks like you haven’t grown at all.”

Zim squinted.

“Is Dib home?” He asked.

The professor rubbed at his chin. “He’s currently out with his little sister on the search for one of his crazy monsters again, but he should be home soon. Do you want to come inside and have coffee? You look soaked.”

Zim nodded. Professor Membrane had been kind to him before, having coffee together once when Tak was on Earth. Stepping inside, the man lead him to his kitchen where he’d turn on the Keurig.

“Ah, it’s good to see you two are hanging out again.”

Zim perked from his seat.

“You see… Dib is kind of… different from other kids. I’m sure you know that already,” he interrupted himself, “do you want cream and sugar?” Zim nodded, unable to stand the taste of bitter things. Professor Membrane grabbed the applications and stirred up his coffee before placing it in front of him, taking a seat across the table. “I’m just glad he has a friend who shares his interests. As much as I want him to pursue real science and take on the Membrane name after me, he still goes on these supernatural escapades.”

The alien sipped his coffee while listening. “Do you believe in the things he does?”

The professor seemed guilty. “I don’t. There’s no proof, no evidence, it’s simply not scientifically possible.” He sighed. “You’d think after years he would stop with this…” He took a sip of his black coffee.

Zim crossed his legs and shrugged. “I don’t know much about parenting myself, professor…” he began, “but I do know that… people like Dib… seek approval.” His words just spilled out of his mouth without thought, “...You want what’s best for him. That’s the best you can want for your child. It’s okay to want for your child, as well. But… your child also has wants just the same.”

He felt himself zoning out as he spoke the words, “...Perhaps, you should try seeing eye to eye with him. Figure out what he wants from you and try to give that as much as he tries to give you what you want.”

Things fell quiet between the two. Zim realized the advice he gave and placed the coffee on the table hurriedly. “I’m… I’m sorry, that was uncalled for—”

“No, Zim,” the man interrupted. “...You’re right. I gave a problem, and you gave a solution. That is what you do in situations such as this.” He smiled. “My daughter does not want much from life, which makes it easy for me to understand her. But, I suppose Dib is a lot more fiery than she is. That is most likely why I struggle so much with him…” The professor sighed, “I am glad I could get someone else’s point of view on this. I appreciate it.”

A warmth flooded through his body. Was that gratitude? Did this sensation come often when he gave support? Zim murmured a quiet, “It’s no problem.”

“So why do you seek my son?”

“Huh?” Zim breathed before aligning his thoughts. “Oh, right. Homework.”

Professor Membrane chuckled. “Of course.” He smiled, and Zim felt like there was something else to that stare. “Y’know, my son really likes you.”

Zim choked on his coffee.

The professor laughed at his reaction. “He’s always going on and on about his school friend Zim. I didn’t want to be the one to tell you, but I think he might admire you a little too much.”

Admiration? Zim felt anxious.  _ Oh,  _ sir, _ you have no idea. You have no idea at all. _

“Is that so…?” The irken trailed off before shrugging. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Oh, no, not at all, Zim.” The father sighed, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t know if my daughter could handle my son’s antics alone. I think you are a good influence for him.”

Something felt wrong about this. An itching sensation flooded his throat. He washed it down with coffee, but it wouldn’t go away. Zim usually had no problem lying to others, and he had no problem fooling naive humans, but he was being praised for helping someone who he used to scheme the demise of. Zim used to ridicule and physically plus emotionally torment this man’s human smeet.

And he was being pampered with hospitality.

He had to guts to come to their home and ask for help regarding their equipment. Something about it made his chest knot up.

Zim didn’t feel well.

The door opened and Zim blinked at the intrusion. Dib and Gaz stepped inside, Dib soaking but Gaz closing a black umbrella. “I’m telling you, Gaz,” Dib started, “It probably was just hiding! It always comes out during thunderstorms.”

They approached the kitchen, Dib busy gesturing and looking at Gaz to notice Zim’s presence. He felt really awkward.

“Hey Zim,” Gaz spoke casually as she passed by, moving to grab a cup of coffee.

“Yeah, hi,” Dib began, not looking at him as he followed her before pausing in his step and whipping around the look at the alien. “What— what are you doing here?! Dad, you just let him in?!”

“Why, of course. Poor thing was smoking out in the rain.” The professor took a long sip of coffee.

“That’s because he’s—” Dib’s posture loosened, his arms drooping in front of him before groaning. “Zim, what are you doing here?”

“He wanted help with homework.” Professor Membrane smiled. “You two make the cutest friends.”

“We’re…” Dib started before pinching his nose, “...going to my room. Let’s go.”

“Actually,” Zim interrupted, standing up, “this is science homework.” He made direct eye contact with Dib, who looked confused, before he glanced to Dib’s father. “Can we borrow your lab?”

“Why of course!” Professor Membrane chirped excitedly, giving a warm smile. “I’m so happy you two are indulging in science. Knock yourselves out.” Suddenly, a stern look passed the professor’s face. “But don’t open the closet on the right.”

He sounded so threatening, Zim felt his spooch tighten. “Thank you for the coffee, professor. I enjoyed our talk.”

“I did as well.” They both headed towards the basement, hearing the professor shout, “Don’t inhale anything!”

Dib was quiet as he opened the lab’s door.

Zim returned the silence.

They stepped inside. The lab was smaller than his base’s, but it was filled with various robotic materials and screens. Zim looked at all of the various vials, scopes, and cases with a slight wonder. 

“What did you talk about with my dad?”

Zim looked at the human, watching as he grabbed a towel to wipe down his wet hair. It was somewhat mesmerizing, watching slick black hair curl against a cloth before he scratched at his cheek. “Nothing, really. Just a cup of coffee.” He looked around. “Do you have… hacking technology?”

Dib’s arms dropped, an incredulous expression on his face. “Hacking technology? Who are we hacking?” He started to walk towards a glass room containing computers within. Zim followed.

_ We…?  _ The thought of working together with the human brought a strange sensation to his head.

“Me.”

Dib had opened the door, but turned to stare at Zim oddly. “...Um… why?” He pushed past Dib and stepped inside, analyzing the screens. “I mean… not to sound like I’m doubting you, but don’t you have technology that can help you with your… alien stuff?”

“That’s the problem,” Zim stated, turning towards Dib. “I need a device that isn’t irken to aid me. I can’t exactly go to a public library and do this.”

A moment passed before Dib obviously thought of something. A smug grin crossed his lips. “Are you asking for help? To me? With my _ inferior human technology, _ as you said?”

“It’s almost as if your head couldn’t get any bigger...”

“Zim, this is just  _ too  _ wonderful. Don’t get me wrong, I’m gonna help you just to make sure you know how great my coding is, but I kind of want to hear you say it.”

_ Ugh. Dib is certainly the worst human.  _ To think that Zim was starting to feel a sliver of pity for the imbecile… completely despicable.

“Hear me say what, exactly?” Zim crossed his arms and leaned on a leg.

“Ask for me to help you with my great tech.”

Zim scrunched his face. “...Why would you even want to hear that? Didn’t I just do that?”

“Yeah, but say please this time. Oh, and say my stuff is better than yours.”

“But that’s factually incorrect!” Zim argued.

Dib continued to smirk down at him.

Zim was tempted to turn out right then and there before it dawned on him that this was the only location near him that could support his case. He groaned, placing his gloved hand on his face and sliding it downwards, claws digging into his green skin.  _ The things I do for answers… _

He straightened his posture, correcting his arms to fold behind his back as he cleared his throat and spoke, “Dib. Plea…” His entire body cringed, taking all of his energy to not fold down and vomit up coffee, “...Ple… plea....” Zim squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his fists as he blurted, “Please help me with your superior human technology!”

It felt like forever until he opened his eyes again. There Dib was, smartphone in hand, having recorded it. He felt his entire body shiver, blood boiling and his face turning hot. “What… did you tape all of that?! You sick human, give me that phone now!” He leapt onto Dib, crawling around his body as the boy moved his arm away from Zim’s grabs.

“Nuh uh uh, I’m keeping this  _ forever and ever,” _ Dib said with a smile, watching Zim cling onto his shoulder as he leaned to grab the device. “If you want, you can watch it with me. To be honest I didn’t think you would actually do it...”

Zim groaned and thumped his forehead against Dib’s coat. “I hate you so much. I hate you with all of me. I want to shoot you into the void of space with no protection whatsoever. Suffocate and die, Dib-filth.”

“Right back at you, space boy.” Zim got off of him, wiping at his body as if he just rolled in mud. “Now, what do you need me to do?”

“Delete that video of Zim.”

“Okay, regarding the hacking?”

Dib sat in the computer chair, turning on the computer and logging himself in. He went through files, Zim watching the screen curiously. Human computers were much different than irkens'. There seemed to be a time, date, folders, applications… he walked towards Dib, placing his hands on the desk as he looked up. He could see Dib watch him from the corner of his eye.

“...I need you to get into my PAK.” Zim turned to make contact with Dib, who immediately looked back to the screen. He thought nothing of it.

“Y-your… your PAK? Zim, isn’t that like, confidential stuff? You always talked about how it made you… well, brilliant.”

“Why are you questioning me? You’ve always wanted to be in there.”

Dib had a straight face. “True…” He slipped something into a slot on the desk which held panels containing the motherboard. Zim wondered what that stick was. Though, he didn’t want to seem stupid, so he kept his mouth shut. “Alright, let’s get you connected to my computer first.” He moved towards a box below the desk and yanked it out, tugging out wires before swiveling his chair to meet Zim.

“Er… I’m assuming it’s not just going to take  _ any _ wires, so I might have to pop open the shield on your PAK to force it in…” Dib trailed off.

Zim took a step back instinctively.

It seemed like the human could sense his fear, which he cursed for inwardly. “...I get that,” the other murmured, glancing away. “...But unless you have irken wires that can connect to my computer here and now, we’re kind of out of luck… so, come here. I won’t make it too painful, maybe I’ll slip in some pinches here and there... just because you’re my natural enemy. Nothing else, really.”

Zim was unimpressed. He really had no other choice. He hesitantly walked over before turning around.

“Erm… come sit on me, actually.”

He slowly turned his head to peek at Dib. “Excuse me?”

“Listen, I don’t want your irken ass on me any more than you do, but this position is uncomfortable, and who knows how long this might take.” Dib furrowed his brows. “So, just sit on my lap.”

Zim moved his hands in front of him and mimicked a strangle, picturing Dib’s long, pink neck within his grasp, his face turning blue and smashing his head against a rock so that—

Long limbs wrapped around his waist and pulled him up. He gave a noise in response, causing his assaulter— Dib— to pause in his lift. A voice spoke near his sensitive antenna, causing it to quiver. “Did you just… did you just squeak?”

Zim wanted to scream. This day was going horribly. He just wanted to know what was wrong with him. “Stop touching Zim! Zim does not squeak!”

Dib chuckled. “Y’know, for an invasive alien that tried to kill me and my planet several times, you’re kinda… I don’t know,  _ cute? _ Are you sure your species was meant to conquer?”

“I’m not cute! I’m not! Shut up you absolutely horrible, smelly, filthy, arrogant human, and give me my answers! Violate Zim’s PAK with your inferior and disgusting human utensils so I can leave this place and  _ never return!” _

Dib plopped Zim on his lap and leaned back in the chair, grabbing tools that were locked aside. “Hm. Touchy. Over the word cute, huh?” He chuckled. “Man, it’s that easy to rile you up… like a wind up toy.”

“Shut your worthless human mouth.”

“Cranky, too.”

Zim bit down on his lip with his fangs. Of course he was stuck with his number one rival.  _ Almighty, I despise this human so much. _

Dib’s warm hand touched his cold PAK, and his body tensed up immediately. There was a numb sensation. It didn’t hurt, but he already had to fight down his body’s natural fight or flight instincts. He was stiff, his back able to apply to become a measuring ruler with how straight it was.

“Um… I don’t know if this’ll hurt, but…” He heard something electric turn on, and suddenly, his PAK was being zapped.

Zim felt his throat tighten, body twitching at the sensation. He fought down his spider-like robotic limbs down, trying to remain docile.

Everything was telling him to attack Dib. The PAK was nearly _screaming_ at him.

The electric cutting was over, and Dib carefully popped off the metal plate and looked at what he was dealing with. “Wow, there’s… not as much as I’d expect there to be…”

Zim resisted rolling his eyes. “Just get on with it.”

“Right, okay… what happens if I… pull this chip out?”

“Chip?”

“It’s got that irken symbol on it. It’s also red. And glowing.”

“Well if it’s  _ got a symbol on it, is red, and glowing, _ shouldn’t you be inclined to  _ not  _ touch it?”

Dib huffed behind him. “But imagine all of the data on that thing…”

“Listen, there are tales of irkens getting their PAKs taken from them,” Zim told carefully while avoiding putting his own experience out into the world, “and they  _ never  _ survive. That chip could be what keeps me alive. So don’t touch it. Just do what you do best and corrupt it.”

“Got it…” Zim could hear Dib grumble, “bossypants” under his breath. Listening to wires being pulled and Dib moving his torso to type on the computer, he then interrupted the ambiance with, “I’m going to insert it in place of where your computer usually would. I have no idea what that feels like, so… um, hang in there, because I’ll have to be aggressive to place it just right to mimic irken tech.”

“I can take it.”

Dib murmured a quiet acknowledgement before placing a hand on Zim’s waist to keep him still. Zim blinked at the contact, staring down at his hand in bewilderment before something sharp hit his back. He gasped for breath.

“We’re not done yet, Zim, just… just breathe, okay?”

Zim clenched his hands together, feeling his body grow hot. He nodded, unable to say a word.  _ Just get it over with. I need to fix this. _

Another painful shock trembled through his body. Zim wheezed for air, leaning over as the wires built in his back crippled at his spine. Throwing his knuckle up to bite on it, he squeezed his hand on Dib’s knee, a ringing sound surrounding him.

Then, Dib adjusted it, and he was flashed into another place, another time. He watched as he was on a sandy planet, war machines brawling each other or mangled in bits on the ground, bullets flying as Zim was laid on the surface, covering his head. He lifted his torso upwards before his leg bumped into something. Zim turned around and saw another irken face-down, bright pink blood pooling around his body. Inching towards him on his knees, he turned the irken and saw a hole inside of his head. Zim whipped his hand to his mouth, inching back but tripping backwards on the sand.

His side hurt. He looked down and saw a rip through his clothing, pink blood seeping downwards. Zim realized how painful it was and let out a choked cry, twisting as it burned. It burned so bad, it felt like he was dying.

“Zim!”

Zim nearly collapsed forward until an arm kept him in place. He panted for breath, the corner of his eyes watery, glancing around to realize he was in the Membrane’s lab. The alien pulled out his contacts and threw them onto the desk, as well as his hair cap.

It was so itchy and stuffy. His skin was pelted with the cool air, and his insides relaxed with pleasure.

“So… what was that?”

Zim shook his head. “Get the wire in me, Dib. Hurry it up.”

“...Okay.”

This time, Dib hit deep. The wire plunged into his PAK’s mainframe, and Zim reeled as he was sent into another repressed memory.

Zim woke up. He was surrounded by deep maroon walls with black lining. A soft pink light was shone down upon him. Looking down, he noticed his wrists were locked against the steel chair. Panic rising within him, he attempted to activate his PAK legs, though to no avail. He glanced up and looked at the large cable that seemed to go wherever his back went.

This was bad. His PAK was disabled. Zim couldn’t gain knowledge of anything. He was helpless. Tied up. Vulnerable.

“Invader Zim.”

Zim froze at the noise. He glanced up and saw a Control Brain-powered irken approach him with white clothing draped over it, its head was covered by a large black and white mask with red, glowing orbs surrounding it. Its hands were connected together by a sleeve.

“You have shown serious symptoms of being a violently defective irken.”

He found himself talking with no consciousness. “Me? Defective?” His body laughed. “What do you mean? I’m Zim! I’m the best invader Irk has ever seen! Anyone could tell you that!”

The other didn’t reply. It approached him. Fear controlled his mind, but his body remained relaxed. He recalled the trial mentally, now fearing the Control Brains and what they could do. But then, in the past, Zim had never been on trial… “The Almighty Tallest have requested me to redesign you. You will obey.”

The mind wanted to wriggle, to thrash, to demand to be released, but the body remained still, even having the audacity to contemplate crossing his legs. Though, they were chained down. “The Almighty Tallest? No, they love me. This must be some funny prank.” Out came a snicker from his throat. “They love making me laugh.”

The controlled irken placed a headpiece on Zim. Bolts nudged against his antennae, causing him to shiver. “What is this? What’s happening?”

“I’m going to count down to five, Invader Zim, and you’re going to tell me who you are.”

Suddenly, blasts of hot electricity wracked his body, straight into his mind. It seared. He couldn’t think about anything else but the color white.

“Stop! Stop! Stop zapping me, please!” Zim wailed as he suddenly broke out, thumping onto a tiled floor. He curled up into a ball, quivering and sobbing. “It hurts. It hurts…”

“Zim? Zim, are you okay? Jesus Christ… I’m sorry.”

The Dib. The Dib was here. Zim heard him. He glanced around, recognizing the computer room. Though, it all fell to nothing once Zim remembered the horrific suffering he had endured. He held his head, feeling no physical pain, but a phantom one that lingered. His side and cranium ached with a sensation he never thought he felt before.

Zim hadn’t cried in so long, but he could see the tears flood to the corner of his eyes and drip onto the floor. He put his face in his hands, shivering uncontrollably.

Suddenly, a warm hand touched his arm.

“...Zim?”

Warmth. It was warm. Unlike the cold floor, unlike his PAK, unlike the robotic arm that raised him as a smeet. Zim’s shaky hand slowly moved to place it on top of Dib’s, feeling it tighten in surprise before hesitantly softening.

The irken didn’t understand why he longed for this touch. It was rare to long something. Though, a part of him felt like burying inside the warmth of the human. He wouldn’t out of pride, and he felt disgusted that he even considered it for a hot moment.

“Is it in?” Zim asked, his voice weak, nearly croaking. He just wanted to get out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, Zim. It’s in.” Zim peered at the screen and stared at the red irken symbol. “...And it looks like we’ve got a lot of unpacking to do.”   
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things get sad. then funny. then tense. then funny. then sad. then fluffy. then sad. then horny.
> 
> hope yall like protective dib
> 
> and i decided this would be a four parter

It had been a few hours since Zim’s PAK was hacked into. During those few hours, Zim had grown incredibly bored. He held a stress ball that was found within the computer lab and was bouncing it against the floor, watching it hit the wall and return to his hand. The alien couldn’t go anywhere, locked in the room by the wires connected to his PAK, left with absolutely nothing to do… on Irk, they always stated a bored irken is a dangerous one.

Zim glanced over at Dib and watched him coldly. The boy’s glasses seemed to glow from the computer’s screen, amber eyes darting left to right as he typed rapidly on his keyboard. Dib had insisted to grab his laptop that had perfect hacking abilities and connected it to the main computer. The human was seated on the floor against his swivel chair, cross-legged, laptop on his lap with cables crossing to and fro, letters in fonts on the large screen beside them that Zim couldn’t make out.

He slouched before tossing the ball aggressively at the wall, hearing it crash into the desk.

“Stop it, Zim.”

Frowning, he slapped his arms against the ground. “Well, what am I supposed to do? You’re hogging up all the fun.”

“Play with one of your little irken technologies or something,” Dib suggested, eyes not leaving his device.

Zim groaned and flopped forward. “If you can’t tell, you’re currently _ in _one of my little irken technologies.”

Dib huffed. “Then you can play on my phone or whatever,” the man slid his device over without a care in the world. It bumped into his hand and Zim felt insulted.

“Irkens don’t _ play.” _

“Well, then, just… I don’t know, take pictures, or browse the internet. I don’t know what your hobbies are.”

Hobbies? The alien scanned his mind for the word. Right, the interests humans partake in with spare time. He had learned about it before during a survey that requested his so-called ‘hobbies’. Zim didn’t really have an answer, so he placed ‘N/A’ and moved on. Unless Zim was able to put ‘invading planets’ and ‘destroying species’ on there, he was out of luck.

“I don’t have hobbies,” Zim murmured.

Dib paused his typing to glance up at him briefly. A conflicted look Zim didn’t understand, Dib returned back to his hacking. “You’ll figure it out,” he murmured.

Zim tapped the phone curiously, glancing at the case and screen. It was small and flat. The screen turned on, revealing a background that had ‘Mysterious Mysteries’ plastered on it with an alien head symbol. “What does this thing do?”

“It’s… basically a mini-computer in your pocket,” Dib explained.

“Like my PAK?”

“Yeah, but it’s not a parasite unless you’re a baby boomer and think that phones are killing society or something.”

_ Baby boomer? Is that an exploding human smeet? _

Zim didn’t understand Dib’s choice of words, but not wanting to show he cared too much about what the human had to say, he remained quiet. “If you want my password, just let me know.”

He growled. Zim crawled on all fours towards Dib and took a hesitant seat beside him, looking at the computer. “I’m not a human child. I can do this too. Let me do it.”

“Uh, no,” Dib looked at him with a cold expression, “My laptop, my computer lab, _ my rules.” _

“It’s _ my _PAK!”

“Therefore, not my problem, but I want this data, and I don’t think you even know how to paste a link on a human-computer. You could probably explode this thing, so don’t touch it.”

Zim, feeling scolded, scowled and plopped on his rump, crossing his arms and resting the back of his head against the seat of the chair as well. “You don’t trust me.”

Dib sighed. “Should I?”

He had a point, unfortunately, as much as Zim hated it.

He glanced down at the phone, pressing against the buttons on the side, watching the screen flicker on and off. Zim perked as he watched Dib lean over to turn it on and entered numbers onto the screen before it suddenly slid over to a new, fresh look. He swiped it over and selected an icon.

“What are you doing?” Zim asked.

“Have you played Crossy Road before, Zim?”

“I told you irkens don’t play.”

“Right, right… get that…” Dib seemed agitated, “Listen, just play this game until I break down this firewall. You just swipe the screen to make the character move left and right, and tap to make it jump forward. You have to avoid getting hit by a car, or stalling long enough to get eaten by an eagle.”

Zim listened to his instructions awkwardly. “This sounds childish.”

“It is, that’s why it’s fun. Just try it.” Dib turned back to the laptop, leaving Zim to gawk at the phone curiously.

Zim tapped the screen. The character moved.

His eyes turned round with curiosity. He continued to tap, watching the character move forward each time. A tree got in his way, and he slid his digit to the right, moving. He clenched his teeth before watching as the Earth chicken hopped onto a log and was moving with the tide. Panic settled in his chest as he quickly saved it by jumping to a passing log and making it onto land.

Zim didn’t know how much time had passed, but he was laid on the ground, a leg raised and another flat as he aggressively tapped on Dib’s phone.

“I think I’m pretty much through the firewall.”

More tapping.

“Zim?”

He was so close to 1,100 steps.

“Zim.”

His tongue poked out from his mouth, feeling his fangs gently press into it, completely focused—

Suddenly, a pale hand snatched the phone, causing Zim to let out a choked cry. “My perpendicular streets!” He sat up and stared at Dib before feeling anger bubble at his belly. “You, human, give that back to Zim!”

Dib looked at the phone screen and slumped. “Man… I’m never going to beat that score.”

“No! The horrible eagle! He is going to take my little earth chicken! You must let me…!” Zim folded across Dib as he tried to reach the phone.

Suddenly, the eagle sound filled his senses, and he watched the game over screen. Zim bit his lip and smacked his fists into Dib’s legs. “You stupid, arrogant human! First, you make Zim sit around like worthless garbage, and the next you steal his victory in the crossing of the roads! I have the right mind to take your organs and forge them into jewelry!”

A warmth was felt on his head. Zim blinked in surprise, freezing at the sensation. Dib had his hand on his head.

“Calm down, Zim. Maybe we can get you your very own phone to play Crossy Road on, but right now you need to remember why you’re really here.”

As much as Zim wanted to thrash, he could feel those temptations subside with the touch. He looked up at Dib, seeing the human gaze down at him, an entertained smile on his face. Zim felt weird, fixing his posture so he wasn’t sprawled on Dib.

“So, if I add a few things here and there…” Dib murmured, typing some code into the laptop, Zim watching with interest, “...and… we are in.” Suddenly, files flooded the screen. They were all in irken.

“I made sure all the files would be converted into those my computer can support, but I suppose the language barrier is something I can’t translate… I can only understand bits and pieces.” Dib murmured.

Zim slowly pointed at the screen at a select file. “There.”

“What’s in here?” Dib asked as he clicked on it.

His eyes scanned the many files. “...Errors.”

Dib frowned as he glanced at Zim. “Errors?”

Zim bit the inside of his cheek as he leaned over to press on an application, reading the transcript of what was logged.

_ 6.572.003 | E: 82788622 _

_ Invader 6017548’s #52 Admission. _

_ Admitted for arson in Irk’s Armory. His physical form remains stable after 6000 watts of electricity. Mind washing successful. _

_ PAK signals unstable. It’s expected that he will be back in the isolation chamber soon. _

He pressed on another file.

More and more admissions. More electricity. More torture methods. Brainwashing. Ripping open his PAK and analyzing while he was conscious. He kept reading the ‘defective’ word over and over. Zim then saw the court files and refused to open them. He even stumbled across a list of war criminals he managed to kill, but with no memory. The irken didn’t even remember fighting a war. Zim felt his throat tighten seeing the word ‘DEFECTIVE EXILE’ in bold irken letters on his PAK reading.

Zim slumped back, feeling a wave of exasperation take control of his body.

“...Zim?”

The irken didn’t reply. He didn’t feel a need to.

“...You’re crying, you know.”

Zim glanced at Dib, witnessing the human have a weird look on his face. He moved his claw to gently rub beneath his eye, finding moisture. “Oh.”

“What’d you see in there?”

He held his waist and looked away.

A defective irken shouldn’t be alive.

Though, he had noticed various execution orders on that list. They tried to kill him, but his PAK was so corrupt, they couldn’t. Any other way was deemed illegal. Various assassins were sent, but Zim managed to accidentally send them to their doom without trying.

Zim pulled his knees up and hugged them, staring at the floor. He didn’t care if Dib saw him like this. He just didn’t care at all.

His entire life was a lie. Zim had worked so hard to make his Tallest happy, but it was biogenetically engineered within his body to make them miserable.

That entire time… every call… every mission… they hated him. They didn’t see him as an invader, they saw him as a pest. A joke. All of the mimicking smiles, insults, teases, they came back to haunt him.

“Do you want to talk about it…?” Dib awkwardly asked. “It’s kind of hard seeing you like this.”

The irken remained quiet for a moment longer before murmuring, “I’m defective.”

The human’s lips parted just slightly.

“Those files were of reports of me being admitted to an isolation chamber where they’d experiment on me and my PAK. There are various methods of attempted mind cleansing. Though, they could never figure out how to stop my PAK’s virus.”

“Oh…”

Zim clenched his fists together, feeling a wave of bitterness wash over him, but it turned into a sunken feeling. “Zim’s tired.”

“I bet you are.” Dib pressed a few keys on his laptop before the wire pulled out. Zim stiffened before watching as Dib fixed the metal shield back in place. It repaired itself automatically. The human clicked his laptop shut before they both sat in the darkness, illuminated only by the large computer screen above them. He leaned over and grabbed the stick that was put inside of the computer. “Now I feel kinda bad installing all the data knowing that your torture files are on here.”

“Shouldn’t you relish in the thought?”

“Zim, torturing you is funny to me, I’ll be honest. But that’s the thing; only _ I’m _ the one that can torture you,” Dib corrected, “your autopsy is going to be named after _ me, _ not some weird dystopian government in space.”

Zim still felt weary, but a weak smile crossed his face. He didn’t know why. Pressing his face into his knees, he closed his eyes, feeling his head ache. “You’re one of the most selfish humans I’ve ever met, Dib. Absolutely horrible.”

Dib grinned. “I hope it stays that way.”

He shoved Dib with his elbow, who hummed in contentment. “Well, what do you want to do now? Your memories and everything should be unlocked, so…”

“I’d much rather ignore them and let them come to me when they want to.” Zim didn’t want to admit it, but he was frightened. He didn’t want to remember them. Zim missed the days where he lived in complete, naive bliss, manipulated by a government that didn’t care much for him. He missed when he didn’t know the truth, and only sick, tormenting lies that now would keep him awake.

A shiver wracked through his body, and he instinctively moved a hand to clutch onto Dib’s forearm, squeezing it. Zim didn’t understand it… but physical touch gave him an odd sensation of comfort.

“Uh…” Dib breathed out.

Zim ignored him. He looked away, keeping his grip tight on the human. He didn’t know why he was doing so, it was embarrassing, a sign of weakness, but it was strangely reassuring to know that there was something he could hold onto while his mind fell.

Dib didn’t pull away like Zim expected him to. He just sat beside the alien, remaining in silence.

_ ...Thank you, _a tiny voice in his head said. But Zim wouldn’t dare speak it out loud.

Though, with the way Dib’s eyes softened behind his glasses when making eye contact, it didn’t seem like Zim needed to say anything for the other to understand.

It was kind of nice.

—

“Zim, you seem different.”

Keef and Zim sat in the courtyard of the school outside on the cement benches. Keef had his lunch in front of him, but Zim decided he was not hungry. He hadn’t been hungry for a while.

“Do I?” Zim murmured.

Keef shrugged, messing with his ginger hair. “I dunno, you’ve been zoning out a lot.”

The alien put a smile on his face. “My bad, Keef. I just had a long weekend. That’s all.”

“Yeah. All of these storms are driving me crazy,” Keef spoke while leaning back, tapping a french fry against his bottom lip. “Super spooky.”

Zim could only agree mentally.

He spotted a familiar black trench coat in the crowd. Walking alongside his sister towards a table was Dib, speaking with her, a bright grin on his face. Keef seemed to catch on. “Did you hear what happened with the Membranes?”

He looked back at Keef, tilting his head. “No.”

“Apparently, Professor Membrane is opening up an entire lab section dedicated to Dib’s supernatural studies.” Keef smiled. “I’m glad for Dib. I always suspected him and his dad had some weird divide. It must be pretty hard, having your dad be an international world-famous scientist. I couldn’t imagine having that disconnect with my parents.”

Zim was physically weak, but he smiled as well. “Yeah… well, good for him.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t tell you since you two are like, best friends and all.”

Insulted, he frowned. “We’re not… even _ close _to friends, Keef.”

“Really? You guys used to longingly stare at each other all the time when we shared that one Algebra class. Honestly, people rumored you two were secretly banging.” Keef snickered.

Zim cocked his head. “What is… banging?”

The human person he’d like to consider an acquaintance’s eyes bugged. Zim didn’t understand Earth slang. “Seriously?! Oh, my god, hold on, wait, come on…” Keef shoved the rest of his fries down his throat before grabbing Zim by his wrist and storming down the courtyard. He approached Gretchen and a few other girls. “Gretchen.”

Gretchen turned, fluttering her eyes curiously before smiling. “Hey, guys! What’s up?”

“Zim doesn’t know what ‘banging’ means. I told him that we thought he and Dib were doing it secretly, but apparently this guy’s a cherry boy.”

“A cherry boy?” Gretchen laughed, burying her fingers in her violet hair. “Oh my god…”

Zim’s eyes darted from Keef to Gretchen repeatedly. “I don’t exactly understand the humor. Banging is a verb, yes?”

“Yes, cherry boy,” Zita spoke up, resting her head on the palm of her hand.

“What is… a cherry boy? You people are all the same.”

“Wait, should we get Dib for this? This is hilarious, I think he’ll like it. He always teases Zim,” Keef suggested.

Zim paled. “No.”

“Dib!” Zita shouted, gaining the attention of the boy from across the table, who was previously talking to a girl. He noticed Zim before walking over, standing on the other side of the bench, clearly curious.

“What?”

“Zim doesn’t know what banging means.”

Dib’s face turned red. “Why… why is this relevant to literally _ anything?” _

“I don’t… I don’t get it.”

“Okay, Zim.” Keef placed his hand on Zim’s shoulder, turning the alien towards him. “Banging is when—”

“—you hit something against another surface!” Dib interrupted, slamming his hands on the bench, leaning over with his eyebrows furrowed. “That’s all it is! Banging means nothing. You all are gross.”

Gaz walked over, putting down her phone slightly. “Why is everyone yelling over here? I can’t hear my game.”

“Zim’s a cherry boy.”

The girl rose a brow. “Oh. Interesting.” She then sat down, ignoring everyone.

“Wait, Zim, how much slang do you know, exactly? I know you’re a foreign student, but damn, I didn’t know you were a little naive,” Gretchen said with a sly grin.

Zim shrugged. “English is confusing to me.”

“DTF?” Zita spoke up.

“Are those initials?”

“What about eating out?”

“Like, food?”

“Deepthroating?”

“What’s that?”

“BDSM, you’ve _ gotta _know BDSM.”

“Sounds like some sort of weird organization.”

Even Dib looked curious. “Wait, Zim, do you even know anything about sex?”

Zim blinked. “Only those health classes we were forced to take. Were those words referring to sexual subjects?”

Keef had a shine in his eyes as he hugged Zim’s side. “Aw! My bes’ frien’ is an innocent virgin! That’s okay, I’ll give you the talk.”

“Do not touch Zim.”

Keef grabbed Zim’s wrist, ignoring his cautionary growl. “I have a website to show you.”

“Oh, God, Keef… don’t taint Zim like that,” Zita groaned as she set down her soda. “Also, those websites are banned on the school’s premises.”

Keef waved his hand. “Oh, don’t worry. I have a VPN.”

“Actually,” a voice spoke up. Zim watched as Dib rounded the table and approached them, “I was going to catch you before lunch ended. Zim and I need to pick up something from the library. Right? Do you remember that book?”

Zim looked at Dib, confused. “Er…”

“The math book I promised to help you with. We still have thirty minutes left of lunch. Let’s make it fast, okay?”

“It’s rather that or porn with Keef,” Gretchen murmured.

“Porn?” Zim repeated under his breath. “Um… I do need that book before… class…” he said, unsure, “but you can show me your strange website after school.”

Keef laughed. “Oh, Zim, you’re a hoot.” Dib tugged on Zim’s sleeve, causing him to frown at the human in mock disgust, before hesitantly following him. “Don’t get too carried away!”

They walked in the school’s halls in silence. Zim stared at the back of Dib’s head.

“What’s wrong with you?” Zim asked, stopping.

Dib took a few steps forward before halting. He turned around and Zim could see that he was upset. “They’re just… taking advantage of you. It’s annoying. I don’t want them to get you all worked up.”

“I wasn’t worked up. It’s not like you to care...”

“I _ don’t _care!” Dib blurted. Though, something in his strained expression began to read as otherwise. 

Zim shifted uncomfortably. “Stop pitying me. Just because you saw me mope does not mean I need your protection. Besides, I need to learn as much about Earth as I can. Apparently, I do not know much of this… _ banging _...” He gestured with his hand, “It’s my job to blend in—”

Dib stepped closer. “Your only job is to get on my nerves, Zim. You’re my enemy. That means I need to keep you in my sights and keep you under surveillance. Call that what you will, but it’s what I have to do.”

“No one asked you to do anything, Dib-creature. I didn’t ask for you to take me away from that.”

“Yeah, well, Keef is just creepy, okay?” Dib crossed his arms. “I don’t know why you even hang out with a guy like that. He’s super perverted and clingy. No one likes him.”

“Are you scared, Dib?”

Dib glanced at him in surprise. “What?”

“Are you scared?”

“Why are you asking me that?”

Zim shrugged. “Fear makes humans do irrational things.”

“Listen, your mental state has been off the charts lately. One moment you’re staring into the horizon like you’re in a dramatic movie, the next you’re curled on the floor sobbing and begging your Tallest to forgive you, and the next you’re touching me like you like me.” Dib winced. “With them teasing you like that, I don’t know, it could’ve sparked a memory. Then what, Zim? You just seizing on the cement weirdly? How do you explain that to people? It’d show you’re an alien! Then, your cover is blown. You should be thanking me.”

An eerie silence fell within the school’s hallway. 

“You are still the most selfish human I have ever met, Dib.” Zim’s voice was no longer hinting with pride and an effort to hurt, but with a coldness that froze at the edges his tone. “That was the evilest thing I have heard anyone say to me.”

For reasons unbeknownst to him, Zim felt betrayed.

Dib’s pupils turned small. He glanced away. “I know.”

Zim leaned against the lockers. Fortunately, this hallway was mostly inactive. Of course Dib would drag him towards the forgotten section of the school, filled with unused classrooms. The library wasn’t even near here.

“Explain to me what banging is, you infuriating, terrible person, and I won’t kill you here and now for betraying Zim.”

“Betraying?—”

“Explain.”

He didn’t know why he was giving Dib a chance to redeem himself. A part of him was hoping Dib _ would _redeem himself. Zim didn’t want to hope. He shouldn’t have hope in the first place.

“Um… well, it’s when two people have sex.”

Zim was disappointed. “Seriously? That’s it? That’s what banging means?” He planted his palm on his head. “Humans are so dramatic about intercourse.”

Dib stood beside him, staring at the wall ahead of them. “I guess.”

“Does it have something to do with that ‘love’ power you spoke of before?”

“...Sometimes.”

“Huh.”

Zim couldn’t tell if the quiet was awkward or forgotten about. It seemed like Dib was thinking hard.

“Watch out there, human boy. Your big head might explode if you think any harder,” Zim grumbled.

“I’m sorry, Zim.”

Zim was taken by surprise. The solemn tone in Dib’s voice made the alien feel uneasy. He didn’t like it. Dib’s sadness was making him feel uncomfortable. How could he make him stop? Why was he apologizing? What was going on? What reality is this?

“Uh… I don’t know why you’re apologizing.”

“I used vulnerable stuff that you shared with me against you. And I…” Dib winced. “I don’t know what’s going on with me, okay? But seeing you be put in that position… I don’t know. Only _ I _can tease you. It’s not very funny when other people do it.”

“I don’t think their intentions are quite as malicious as yours, Dib.”

“Well, these people used to bully the shit out of me, Zim.”

Zim went quiet.

“They all treated me like I was weird. Like some sort of freak. The insane, crazy, annoying kid who screamed about ghosts and vampires and eventually aliens. Professor Membrane’s incompetent son.” Dib shrugged. “Sure, they got better over the years, but still, that shit sticks with you forever... “

“Bullying is when people more powerful than you, including numbers, take advantage of you, correct?”

“Yeah. They make you feel small and powerless.”

Zim felt a strange emotion pass over him regarding Dib’s position socially.

“...And what your Tallest did to you,” Dib whispered, “that was bullying.”

That was unexpected. Zim looked at Dib, aghast at his comment. “...How do you know anything about them?”

“Your files. Video files. Their statements of you.” Dib wouldn’t look at Zim. “I guess seeing you put in that position of naivety… the others taking advantage of that… you being there but them acting like you can’t hear them...” He gazed at Zim, eyebrows furrowed, signaling distress. “I don’t know why I wanted to protect you from reliving that.”

Protect?

Zim didn’t need protection.

Though, Dib looked upset. Really upset. Zim was unsure of what to do. He never had to deal with a human like this before. Empathy wasn’t on his list of things to acquire on Earth. Though, he recalled Dib being there for him before, sitting beside him on his bed, or placing a hand on him when in agony. It only seemed right to give back, didn’t it? That’s all this was.

Looking down at his gloved hand, he slowly placed it on Dib’s forearm. Was this the comforting touch humans gave?

Dib flinched, gawking at Zim, bewildered.

“Your father,” Zim began, removing his hand after a second. “I heard you finally got an upgrade from your human resting quarters.”

The human seemed confused, but a smile quirked at his lips. “Yeah. I honestly don’t know what got him to do it so suddenly… I didn’t even need to say anything. He just showed me the progress and… I don’t know. It was so weird, Zim. You didn’t put a parasite in his coffee or anything, righ—” Dib paused, going blank, a distant look in his eyes.

Zim was truly annoyed. “Almighty, Dib… the professor man has always treated me kindly. As much as I hate humans, there was no need to hurt him when I needed your help—”

“It was you.”

“What? I didn’t do anything to your father. Don’t spread lies.”

“No… no, Zim, you…” Dib’s voice cracked, “Did you seriously…?”

“Okay, I don’t know what’s going on for the fifth time today.”

“What did you say to him?”

Zim groaned, crossing his arm over his waist and moving his hand up to rest against his forehead. “Dib, I told you before, we just spoke of nothing. However I will say I enjoyed the talk. Your father is equivalent to a breath of fresh air regarding communications.”

“Tell me.”

Dib’s voice was harsh.

“Uh… fine, but only because you’re annoying me and I want you to shut up.” Zim hesitated before searching through his mind of the memories. “The professor had mentioned you, talked about not being able to understand you. He’s grateful for me, by the way, unlike _ you. _ Ah… let’s see…” Zim rubbed his chin. “He talked about wanting you to pursue science, but being unable to get through to you. I told him that if he wants you to do what he wants, then he should return the favor. Let him be the father you want him to be as well. Like an exchange. We’d often go through courses of trading and exchange on Irk so it was rather easy. It’s the most logical answer, I’m surprised a passionate man of science would not know that.” He shrugged, resting his arms against his sides. “I don’t know what this has to do with anything.”

Dib’s eyes looked wet. Zim cringed. Was the human going to cry…?

“You… you…” Dib approached him, and Zim immediately stepped back.

“Human… watch your step... “ He warned.

Suddenly, Dib’s arms wrapped around him, capturing his limbs against his sides, unable to wriggle free. Dib held him close, Zim hissing and trying to wrangle him off as the other lifted him from his feet. “Why are you trying to strangle me?! This is weird! Stop!”

“I’ve been trying to get through to my dad for eighteen years, Zim…” The human murmured, his voice coming from above as he was taller. “He never listened… and I didn’t know how to make him change… but you… got through to him with only that… and… I’m grateful for that, Zim. I… you helped me...“

The human was blabbering. “Let me go you absolute worm. You’re ugly.” Dib pulled himself away from Zim, placing his hands on his shoulders. The boy grinned. “Your smile is stupid, too.”

“Zim, you might just be a good person.”

Zim hesitated.

“...But I’m not a person, Dib. I didn’t go out of my way to help you, either.”

“Please, when the lab is ready,” Dib began with dilated pupils, “let me give you a tour.”

“Why would I need a tour? You’re being really strange and it’s freaking me out. For the love of everything that matters to you, _ please _stop.”

“I’ll help you with your Romeo and Juliet book report if you do,” Dib spoke blankly.

Zim sighed. “I’m supposed to be your emperor, you know.”

“And I’m supposed to be your murderer.” Dib smiled. “It’s meant to be, isn’t it?”

His spooch churned. He pulled out of Dib’s grip. “You say _ I’m _the one with the uncontrollable mental state? I think you just went through all of your human feelings in the past ten minutes.”

A small chuckle was given by the other. “I don’t know, Zim… I just... “ Dib scratched at his head, “What you did potentially fixed my relationship with my dad. I think I see you differently now.”

Zim was deadpan. “Well, don’t. I’m still your future leader.”

Dib sighed. “Seriously? You’re not even an…” the other stopped, clearing his throat. “Right, then, fine. We can still be enemies, but with benefits, okay? You help me, I help you.”

“I don’t get why you need me at your laboratories. You’re bringing your enemy to an important place.”

“Because you helped get it for me... Also because I want to gloat about all of my _ superior human technology.” _

“You’re simply the worst, Dib. I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone more.”

Dib just gave a soft look.

It was friendly, Zim recognized, but he felt weird when he didn’t get a response back.

—

“This human porn is absolutely vile! I’ve never watched anything more sickening in my life!”

Zim clutched his head, trying to block out the images and sounds he heard. The noises…_ the noises… _ he would never be able to cleanse his mind. So much skin, and flesh, and parts that Zim had no intentions of witnessing before...

GIR sat beside him before laughing, rolling on the floor and pausing before raising upwards to point at Zim. “Why’d you watch ‘dat?”

The irken slouched on the couch, feeling his body melt into each crevice. “Someone told me to at school today.”

“Ohh. Don’t you think ‘dat guy looked a little like Mary?”

A part of him wanted to retch at the thought. “Absolutely not. His head wasn’t big enough.”

GIR screamed before giving a nod. “True, true.”

Fiddling his thumbs, he thought. “...Has Dib done this before?” He asked, mostly to himself. _ No, he said he’s never done the romance thing. _ Zim recalled the two actors. _ But they didn’t seem to be in that ‘romance’ at all. _

Zim realized exactly what he was thinking and smacked his hand on his face, feeling it heat up beneath the glove. _ I’ve been hanging out with the humans for too long on this forsaken planet… _

“Agh! GIR! Give me the dipped fun!”

GIR popped open his head and pulled out the candy. He handed it to Zim, who yanked it and tore it open, licking the stick and coating it with the neon sugar and suckling. Zim continued to rest against the furniture and thought long and hard.

...So humans would record their reproduction activities and post it to the world. That was interesting. Mating was banished on Irk, and while Zim didn’t care much, it felt odd to focus on such a sport. He crossed his legs, gazing at his leggings and knee-high boots.

The woman in the video had similar parts to him.

Zim placed his hand on his lap before moving it up towards his inner thigh.

The man held her so sensually. Yet, he would call her filthy names in her ears. She liked it, moaning for more.

Zim felt a hot sensation graze against his spooch before he snapped out of it, shaking his head. All the more thoughts of a defective irken.

—

“You’re following me, Dib. You know that, right? Do you know that you’re following me? Because I know. And I’ve been putting up with your incessant rambling for fifteen minutes too long,” Zim growled under his breath.

Dib was right beside him. The human pondered, placing a thumb on his chin. “But we got out of school fifteen minutes ago.”

“Exactly.”

The other sighed. “Listen, Zim. In my lab, I forged a technology that could help you with your PAK.”

Zim paused in his step. He glanced back at Dib. “My PAK is not your problem. You said so yourself. I don’t want you to do anything else for me. Get rid of the little science project you made and be gone.”

“I’ve been decrypting the irken language, and I think I finally figured it out. Your guys’ alphabet isn’t that different from English, so it was pretty simple to crack with the help of manuals I stole from you and you writing notes in English beside them. I don’t know why you do that. It’s kind of dumb, but it helped me, so thanks.”

“Are you even listening to me, Dib-creature?”

Dib blinked before smiling. “Nope. I just like annoying you.”

“Well, it’s going successfully.”

Silence fell between them.

Zim didn’t know why he let Dib walk with him after school. He should’ve used his robotic legs to impale Dib and send him away forever. Though, a part of him appreciated the company. As much as he loathed the Dib thing, being alone got harder and harder as time went on.

“Why is human porn like that?”

Dib’s face turned red. “Uh… wait, you actually watched it?”

“An assignment given to Zim will always be completed.”

“...I mean, I guess it depends on which porn you watch, but damn this is really awkward…” Dib scratched his cheek. “Wait, do irkens even have sex?”

Zim shrugged, speaking with a matter-of-fact tone. “Of course. Well, they used to, until we created kindergartens designed to genetically create smeets. Now manual reproduction is illegal.”

“Wait, so… you don’t have real parents?”

“No. All I had was that cold unfeeling robot arm…” The alien held his waist, remembering its steel touch. “It was the most loving figure in my life.”

“That’s… sad…”

The irken whipped around to face the human. “What about it is sad? It’s logically less straining.”

Dib shrugged as they continued to walk down the block towards Zim’s house. “Well, you talk about it like you could’ve had a parent if your planet wasn’t conquered. It’s weird how you gave my father good parenting advice, but have never experienced it yourself.” 

“Humans are simple-minded, Dib. They’re easy to change. As much as people want to claim they never adapt, they do.” Zim grinned. “I could also be an excellent charmer.”

“Oh, please, Zim. You’re going to make me throw up.”

“Do so, I will enjoy watching your body writhe.”

“I bet you would, you alien turd.”

None of the comments could be diagnosed as ill-willed like before. It felt… natural. Not to simply fight and nag at each other, but almost like a gesture of good spirit. Was Zim having good spirit? With Dib? How absurd, how _ peculiar... _ He decided to bring it up. “Dib, do you notice what we’re doing?”

“It’s weird, isn’t it?”

He must’ve been thinking the same thing.

“I don’t understand it at all. I still hate your guts, but I guess…” Zim glanced away, “...I can tolerate you now, or something.”

“It’s called friendship.”

“But I don’t want to be your friend.”

Dib scoffed. “I’d rather die than be your friend, Zim. You’d make an absolutely miserable friend.”

The alien rolled his eyes. He could spot his teal house over the hill. “Well, good, we’re at an understanding, then.”

As much as Zim was curious about the human walking with him, he didn’t bother to bring it up. Something about Dib was off. This entire thing was off. Dib loathed him, and he knew that. Was this the ‘surveillance’ Dib was going on about before but doing it in a less discreet manner? Zim paled thinking about how, perhaps, this was him deciding to stop stalking and walk beside Zim from now on. _ No, that’s even more annoying! _ Dib was a strange specimen indeed. He didn’t get the other’s antics.

Right as they approached his fence, there was a rumble of thunder in the distance. Zim shivered, immediately pressing his side to the fence as he stared at the gray sky.

Dib seemed to hear it too. “Damn… these storms are rolling in like crazy. It must be from that hurricane down south.”

“Hurricane?”

“It’s a mess of crazy ass winds that can pull a tree from its roots.” Zim clutched onto the fence.

“Does it make… those noises?”

“Sometimes.”

Zim bit his lip.

“...Are you scared of thunderstorms, Zim?”

“What? Me? Scared of something?” Zim gave a nervous laugh. “You stupid human boy. Zim is fearless. A stupid rumble of electricit—_ ee!” _ Zim felt himself drop to the ground as another raging vibration of thunder crossed over them.

Dib seemed unphased. “It’s probably going to rain soon.” The human looked down at him. “Could I come in your place so I don’t drown?”

“Shut up.”

“I’ll protect you from the rumble of _ electricit-ee.” _

“Don’t mock Zim.”

Seemingly agitated, he watched as Dib bent over to pick him up, slinging the alien over his shoulder. Immediate panic and confusion pumped through him. “What are you doing, handling Zim in this way?! Let me down! Let me down now! You worm! Idiot worm gremlin! Useless sack of meat and disconnected organs! Unorganized organ holder!”

Dib opened the door and stepped inside. Zim wriggled and hit his fists against the boy’s back. “I hate you so much!”

“It feels like this place gets smaller over the years.”

“Maybe your stupid human body should stop growing so much! Do you ever think about that, Dib? Do you ever think about that maybe you are the problem on Earth?”

Dib set the irken down. “God, okay, I get it. Cranky.”

_ If he calls me that one more time… _

Calling upon his computer, it removed the contacts and hair cap from his head. He patted down his dress, grumbling under his breath about human germs before GIR ran towards them. “Mary! Mary!”

Dib was deadpan. “He’s still calling me that…?”

GIR clung onto Dib. Dib seemed weirded out, moving his shin around to find that GIR was not getting off anytime soon.

“He likes you,” Zim commented flatly. He walked over to the couch and slumped.

“...Wait, you’re just gonna sit there?”

“Yeah.” He turned on the television, flipping through the channels.

“Aren’t you going to go to your lab and do some schemey things? Or… or analyze the files in your PAK some more? Plot Irk’s demise? Destroy mankind?” Dib kept listing on and on, but that just made Zim remember all the things he needed to get from a store.

Zim set the remote down. “I don’t want to go through my PAK.”

“But—”

“I don’t, Dib,” snapped Zim.

Dib blinked in surprise at the tone. The alien winced before turning his head away, staring at the television. “It’s too late to save Irk. No one was defective in the way I was. And if they are, they’re dead. Not everything has a happy ending. There’s no point in starting a war I won’t win. I don’t want to go to war again. I just want to stay here…” Zim pulled his legs up to his chest and watched the screen. “I want to learn more about Earth. This seems like the only place I can go, anyway.”

“Again? Wait, you were in a war?”

“Apparently.” A bitter smile was thrown at Dib. “I’m recalling murder and bloodbaths in my mind. Isn’t that delightful, Dib?” He frowned. “I’m also so tired lately. So weary. I’m never this exhausted, but just getting out of the house takes all of me. I can barely go down into the base anymore because it’s a hassle to get everything started and to browse through things.”

Dib took a seat next to him, still leeched by GIR.

“And… I don’t feel the energy I used to. I’m a more mellow Zim… one that doesn’t… do anything anymore. I don’t even fight you much. Usually, I’d probably make GIR sing to you until your ears bleed, but I don’t even feel like saying that command…” Zim trailed off, “I don’t feel like doing anything…”

“Sounds like depression.”

“What’s that?”

Dib hummed. “It’s… where there’s a lack of happy chemicals in your brain, basically. It’s really common in humans, too.”

Zim felt his eyes widen. He whipped his head towards Dib. “There’s defective humans?”

“No, they’re not defective, Zim. They’re still real people with real feelings. Their brain just can’t form the right chemicals all the time.”

“But… that’s… bad. That’s a bad human.”

Dib seemed conflicted. “Zim… just because something isn’t perfect, it doesn’t mean it’s bad. Everything still has a right to live. As much as I hate you, Zim, you still have a right to live as well. It’s kind of infuriating learning that there’s probably billions of organic things being taught that if they’re not perfect, they’re not worthy.” The human leaned against the back of the sofa. “I mean… I guess I can kind of relate with that. My dad wants me to be perfect, too. I’m a clone of him, after all.” That was news to Zim. He could see the resemblance. “But… I’m still me. It has taken me a while, but I know that I have a right to explore the world like everyone else.” His amber pupils moved to meet Zim’s round magenta eyes. “And… even though you came from such a vast and different society, Zim… I think Earth can be your home, too, and give you a second chance.”

Zim felt his pulse rate quicken. He looked away from Dib, feeling a mix of things. “Stop being nice to me, Dib. It’s disgusting.”

“I don’t know, Zim. It seems like a lot has changed. Being mean to you just doesn’t feel like an option anymore.”

“But… you _ like _being mean to me,” Zim insisted, looking back at Dib.

Dib grinned. “You’re right. But… it’s different now.”

“How?”

“Growing up, I guess.”

Zim felt numb. “I’m already grown up.”

Dib scoffed. “You’re not grown up until you’ve went through your emo phase.” He elbowed the alien who winced at the sudden contact.

“Emo?”

“Basically… edgy humans… with dark looks. And they’re super melodramatic.”

“When do humans hit this emo phase?”

Dib chuckled. “It can happen anytime, anywhere, but it’s usually during their middle teens.”

Zim hummed, sliding a leg down and tucking one under. “Earth has such strange customs. You have your William Shakespeare…your porn… your emo phases… your thunderstorms… and hurricanes… not to mention friendships and romance.” He cringed. “How do you live with all of this… this…”

“...room to breathe?” Dib finished for him, a smug smile on his face.

“That’s not what I was going to say!”

“You were thinking about it.”

“I wish you weren’t in my house right now. That’s what I’m thinking.”

“Naw, you need a bodyguard for the thunderstorm. It’s gonna be scary, Zim. I heard there’s going to be lightning.”

Zim’s antennae dropped to his head. “Lightning? Seriously?”

“Masta’ hates thunderstorms!” GIR chirped up from Dib’s leg. “He scream _ alllllllll _the time!”

“Not all the time!”

Time has passed between the two— three if counting GIR, four if counting the computer as well, and five with Minimoose floating by as a bonus— and things weren’t going too horribly. They just watched television, Zim with a candy stick coated in sugar in his mouth, and Dib sucking up a soda that GIR retrieved from the fridge.

If anyone told past Zim that he’d be casually lounging about with Dib watching TV in his house, he’d scream lies and blast them into space. Zim would still do that, actually.

“I wonder if he’s going to floopsy her,” Dib commented under his breath.

“Augh, these five new seasons make no sense. When I binged this with GIR, he already said he wouldn’t. He’s not into Boopsy!” Zim argued, “Don’t tell me you’re on her side.”

“Of course I’m on her side, she’s the one made for him,” stated Dib. “Besides, don’t you know the first girl rule in anime?”

“What are the last few words you just said?”

“Ugh, anime is Japanese animations. There’s usually an unspoken rule in them that the first girl that interacts with the protagonist is going to be his lover. His schmoopsy, in this case,” the human gestured to the large screen, “so whether you like it or not, it's gonna happen.”

Zim pursed his lips before wondering, “Does the first girl rule apply in real-life Earth time?”

Dib seemed to ponder on that. He tapped his finger against his chin. “Maybe… I mean, a lot of people get together with their childhood friends, so probably. I don’t know. Romance is all fiction.”

“Does the first girl law apply to us?”

Zim wondered if he said something wrong. He looked over to see Dib’s face turned pink, looking at him with an expression he can’t pinpoint. Dib turned his head away. “That’s…”

“To be fair, Dib, you’re the first human I truly interacted with one-on-one when I initially came to earth. My first… conversation,” Zim explained.

“I chased you down the street and mounted a school bus just to lock you in handcuffs,” Dib recalled, a faint smile on his face. “Man, I was really crazy, wasn’t I?”

The irken grinned. “The craziest, might I say.”

Antennae twitching when Dib moved, he listened carefully as the other spoke, “It’s different with us. We hate each other, so I don’t think anything like Floopsy and Boopsy would occur to us. Hell, neither of us really understand things like that. But…” Dib seemed hesitant before drawing out the words, “I have been feeling strange around you. Feeling… things I’m not supposed to feel. Things I don’t understand myself.” Strangely, Zim could relate.

Zim watched him fiddle with his hands, staring at them. “I still want to hurt you, Zim, but… in another way.”

Suddenly, he felt a warm finger brush against his cheek. Zim froze, not knowing how to react. Dib’s glasses were glowing under his installed lights, so he couldn’t exactly make out the look on his face. What was he thinking, touching Zim? Though, his body was fighting against his natural instinct to fight. Dib’s thumb slowly traced over his cheekbone and Dib murmured, “So that’s what your skin feels like…”

Zim couldn’t make out words. The tension was starting to fill the atmosphere. Recalling the porn videos he was assigned to watch, he recalled how touch like this was considered intimate, and his mind raced. Were they about to start their own mating ritual? His blood pulsed through his veins at the thought, not knowing how that would go. What would even happen? Would Zim be able to carry the offspring of Dib?

Wait, what? _ What? _

They weren’t going to mate in the first place, _ because Zim wouldn’t let it! _

Zim managed to find the nerves to his arm to grasp onto the back of Dib’s hand. Though, it remained there. He didn’t do anything to pry it off. His face felt hot at the sensation that Dib might’ve thought he was encouraging it.

It was foolish. This was horrible. Ugly. Bad. The way Zim’s face pressed against Dib’s hand, it was completely out of his control. What was his body doing? What was _ he _doing? He wanted to scream and thrash, but his body went lax at the way Dib smiled down at him.

“Do you like being touched, Zim?” Dib asked, his voice quiet. It was amazing how attentive he was with the television continuing to play in the background. Why did he care about what Dib had to say to him? “I’ve always noticed how you seem to get flustered when I touch you. You lean into it.”

Flustered? Was that the word to apply to his strange sensations of heat and tingling? Zim clenched his fanged teeth.

Dib tilted his head, insinuating curiosity. “Has anyone ever pet you before? I wonder how an irken would react to that.”

That’s right, Dib was examining him like a science project. An odd feeling bubbled at his gut, but he found himself glancing away. _ Horrible Dib… horrible… you talk so much. _

A hand moved to gently rub circles beside his antenna. Zim felt his body immediately press into Dib’s, wanting more of that sweet sensation. Oh, man, did that feel _ good. _ It hit a sweet spot that made a soft vibration erupt from his throat.

“Are you purring?”

Everything paused. Zim was caught by surprise. He noticed how close he was to Dib and immediately inched away.

“You… you despicable human! How dare you touch Zim in such a way!” He pointed at the man. Finding himself snarling, he was completely humiliated at how Dib manipulated him into submission. “I have the right mind to… to…” Zim rose his hands, shaking and tense.

“To?”

Zim immediately pounced on Dib, holding his shoulders down, digging his claws into his coat. Dib winced, glancing up at Zim in surprise, but he couldn’t read the emotion. “Why can’t I read you? Why can’t I understand you and your people? You act so strangely, you all do, but most importantly you, Dib.” The irken leaned down. “You coo me with your words, you place your filthy hands on me, and it makes my body… my body… _ submit, _ like a weakling. It must be the venom laced in your skin or… or something, because that is the only thing that could ever fool Zim.” He moved to clench Dib’s shirt. “One day you hate me, and the next you tell me you try to protect me, you comfort me, you sit and watch television with me, you talk with me like you’re on my level.”

He felt his voice begin to quiver. “No one’s at my level! My Tallest don’t respect me, they despise me, and an irken without his tallest is an irken without purpose! Without reason!” Zim buried his face into Dib’s shirt. “They hate me, and they tried to kill me over and over, and if I think about the color white, I suddenly feel those zaps into my head. The color pink brings horrible wounds I used to have during war, and the colors red and purple… they laugh at me,” he whispered, finding his throat tightening as he held back sobs.

A deep sadness shook at him. “And the only thing in this universe that seems to ever listen to me is a human that wants me dead.” Zim felt his shoulders quake. “It’s so pathetic… Zim is so pathetic… I even fail at dying...”

A feeling of coldness ghosted his skin before long, warm limbs wrapped around his body, pulling him closer to the warmth of Dib’s chest. He felt his muscles tense, breath sucking in like he was about to suffocate.

Dib didn’t say anything. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Why wasn’t he laughing at him?

Tears welled in his eyes. Why couldn’t his routine stay? Zim was the laughing stock of the universe. Why wasn’t he fulfilling that purpose for Dib currently? Feeling hiccups jump in his throat, he let out a quiet cry, sobbing into Dib. Everything hurt. It hurt so bad. He clutched onto his rival like his life depended on it, the warmth protecting him from the cold harshness of reality.

The little alien couldn’t stop crying. The dam that held back the river consisting of years and years of emotional repression crackled and burst open. A waterfall of tears and sadness burst down into the cliff below.

Zim felt metal climb on top of him.

“Don’t be sad, master.” GIR’s voice.

GIR was given to him by the Tallest as a joke. Though, his spooch remained soft for the servant, being damaged and unwanted just as much as him. A mistake. He thought down to Dib as he was held.

Earlier, Dib had confessed that he was not what his father wanted him to be. If Zim never said anything, that great drift might’ve remained between them forever. The bullying, teases, tension, Dib was more similar to him than he’d like.

Was he truly alone in the universe? Zim didn’t want to be… he always thought the best conquerors were independent, but was he even a conqueror in the first place? Not a single planet or moon under his belt.

Zim moved his hand to gently grasp onto Dib’s forearm; the reassuring comfort that humans would use. Though, he felt as Dib’s arm shifted, before another hand interlocked with his own. Blinking, he glanced up at Dib, who watched him in return.

Then, a gentle smile.

—

What a long night.

Dib had managed to sneak out of Zim’s house. Crying had brought a physical toll on the alien, and a few hours later, he was knocked out. As much as he enjoyed looking down at the little irken’s head resting on his lap, gently petting and feeling the purr rumble from his throat, he had a curfew to obey.

While walking down the dark street, his mind ran rampant with thoughts. Zim had a point in his chaotic jumble of venting. Dib was acting strange. His need to protect Zim… he felt his stomach drop.

He wasn’t…

Of course not! _ Of course not, _ duh. Zim was his enemy. Dib was just doing this because…

...He, too, felt lonely.

Glancing aside and seeing Membrane Labs beside his house, he noticed the construction on the side, robots during their job. It was undergoing the finishing touches, and Dib remained stoked. Now, his studies were no longer a joke, and he’d have more room to experiment and capture data. All thanks to Zim.

Dib stepped inside the house and immediately walked up into his room. Collapsing onto his bed, he let out a long exhale, closing his eyes to indulge in the darkness.

The warmth of Zim lingered on him. His skin had felt rubbery, but hot to the touch. He bit the inside of his cheek.

Only the universe would do this to him; make him _ crave _Zim. Ever since he saw the more sensitive side of the irken, his heart had grown surprisingly soft. It disgusted Dib, but also intrigued him.

Zim seemed to respond to touch with an overwhelming amount of happiness. Curious about irken biology, he went over to his computer, plopping on his chair and spinning around a bit before stopping at the front of his desk. Turning it on and inserting the flash drive that contained Zim’s PAK files, he began to sort through them.

He coded his translator and fixed minor mistakes to help understand the language. Finally, irken lettering was now in english. _ Now we’re talking. _

Going through the blacklisted section of the PAK, he went through the biology sections, interested in all the things the irkens had hidden away from them. Then, his eyes settled on a folder dedicated to reproduction.

A cold sweat washed over his body. He shouldn’t… it’s gross, and weird.

...But that’s what was so alluring about it.

Clicking it open, he witnessed all the interesting notes and forgotten knowledge about irkens reproduction. Dib’s eyes sucked it up greedily, making an internal journal dedicated to it.

Dib licked the bottom of his teeth.

Since irkens have one organ, they have one hole. Apparently, _ all _irkens have a hole. The tallest grow penises from their clitoris-like part. Irkens used to go into heat until their hormonal eggs were frozen forever.

It’s a shame Dib wouldn’t be able to witness Zim go into a heat-like phase… he would like to put Zim in a glass box and watch him.

His face flushed at the thought. Zim, panting and sweaty, craving for Dib… on his knees, pleading for him…

Dib placed his head in his hands. His pants had grown tighter, and he felt ashamed to think of such things about his enemy. He’d been thinking about them for a while now, and as much as he tried, he couldn’t stop.

Now, he knew what Zim had down there. Back in the day, to turn him off, he’d force himself to believe Zim had nothing at all, that the alien would sweat his digestion out or something disgusting.

This is a very bad idea. This is a very, very bad idea.

Why did it feel so good to think about?

Why did Dib want to pursue Zim?

Why did he want to take the alien into his lab just to have the sensation of fucking Zim in his _ very own laboratory? _

His eyelids fluttered as he sat back, the room growing hotter.

What a mess he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are y'all ready for the 'eventual smut' tag to be put in use

“Do you know the damage you have done, Zim?”

There the little invader was, stood in front of his two Tallest, them both peering down at him in dismay. The three irkens were in a private section in the Massive dedicated to closed meetings. The Tallest were on a raised platform, while Zim remained on the surface level, peeking up at them.

“What damage?” Zim scoffed, “If anything, the fire was necessary. It cleansed all the germs that little irken left behind. Hah, invader Hix is barely an  _ invader  _ with how timid he is around weapons...” He grumbled.

Red eyes peered at him. “No matter what we do, no matter how many times we try, you are still broken.” The taller irken crossed his arms. “We send you away, and you come back. We cleanse your mind, and you taint it. We send you to war, and you survive.”

Purple commented, “Maybe we should just rip off his PAK entirely…”

“I can assure you there is no need for that,” Zim spoke up, confidence oozing off of his tongue, “For I could be your grandest invader, my Almighty Tallest.” Pride bubbled at his spooch as he looked up at his leaders with utmost respect and trust. “Yet, you are giving me  _ futile  _ missions, sending me to Foodcourtia, making me scrub the glormax’s cage... You  _ know  _ that slime never comes off!”

“That’s what we were hoping for,” Purple grumbled.

_ “But _ I made it happen. I can make anything happen.” Zim placed his palms together, curling his claws against his knuckles. “Please, my Almighty Tallest, give me a planet. Give me something to give you.”

Red looked conflicted, and Purple seemed annoyed.

“Zim, you are too dangerous. The planets we have on our path are already given to the most elite soldiers. We have no reason to send you.”

“Surely, there must be something.”

Purple crossed his arms, a smirk on his face. “I can think of several ideas that would put you in your place, Zim. Remind you of how… short, and feeble you are.” The Tallest stepped down from the platform, approaching the little irken and putting the tips of his claws beneath his chin. His head was automatically tilted upwards, and he found his blood pulsing in his veins. Was that supposed to happen?

“Purple,” Red warned. “That’s stuff the Almighty Tallest Spork would do. We’re not like him. Plus… that’s banned. The Brains would kill us.”

Rather childish, Purple pouted his bottom lip. “You are no fun, Red!”

“Yeah, well, following the laws is kind of what we have to do, Purple. I’m not always going to save your rump from the Brain’s wrath.”

Purple groaned. “Zim, we do have an assignment for you.” The irken summoned a small screen from the control panel within his suit, and a wire with a syringe was quickly injected into his neck. “You’re going to go through your fifty-second cleansing. Hopefully, there won’t be a need for a fifty-third.”

Zim collapsed to the ground, consciousness drifting out of him as he felt SIR units pick him up.

“Shame we can’t have some fun with him before he goes…”

“You’re disgusting, Purple.”

  
  


Zim shot awake, sweat beading on his face as he sat up. His head gave a pang, fuzziness shifting over his senses as he got up too quickly. He rubbed his fist against his eye and peered around. It was dark in his living quarters, GIR snoozing beside him with cheese drooling out of his metallic mouth. The television was on, but only faint noises could be heard from it.

Scratching at his neck, he recalled the night’s events. Dib was here… he peered around more closely. The boy was nowhere in sight.

He must’ve left.

A weird empty sensation filled his thoughts.

Slumping against the couch, Zim’s eyelids felt heavy. That memory was most likely from before… a long time ago… shame weighed at him at how much he used to admire and look up to his Tallest. All he wanted to do was please them.

That was the irken’s one goal; to please their leaders.

_ Red and Purple are nothing but shams— _

His PAK buzzed against him, causing him to freeze and tense.

“For Almighty’s sake, I can’t even badmouth my Tallest as a  _ defective?! _ Just how programmed is this thing to make my life an absolute hell?!” Zim smacked his hand against the metal, it hissing at him as the wires clenched at his spine.

Zim collapsed onto his side, holding his body close.

He continued to feel that cold sweat on his skin.

Zim needed to get this parasite off of him. It was making things worse.

—

After being tormented by unwanted memories for a couple days, Zim had decided to take a walk to the park— insisted by GIR, of course, who ran circles around him until he did so. It was a normal Earth weekend, and the week had strolled on insufferably long. He didn’t hear much from Dib, whether that was to his like or dislike was entirely up to fate at this point.

Having his little robotic dog on a leash, running down the sidewalk and getting yanked back by his rope, it was rather domestic. Zim watched as the cycle continued. GIR would get back up and continuously push after the odds of destiny; to end up choked back.

Zim was so out of it he was finding symbolism in  _ GIR’s stupid antics. _

Eventually, Zim got tired and sat on a bench, leaning against the back and held his waist. His legs crossed, staring ahead towards the dry fountain in front of him. He pressed his lips together as he studied it.

Earth could be so boring... 

He glanced upwards and found bits of blue peeking out from the clouds in the sky. Zim took that as a good sign.

GIR gasped from below him, catching his attention. “Butterfly!”

A monarch butterfly fluttered past them, and Zim huffed. “So what?”

GIR leaped at it and shoved it in his mouth.

Zim watched in slight horror. He peeled GIR’s mouth open. “Don’t eat butterflies, GIR. They’re endangered.”

“They taste funny!”

He watched the winged creature make its haste elsewhere. The irken sighed, pulling GIR up onto his lap and crossing his arms over the dog so he wouldn’t escape. GIR patted at his arms rhythmically, seemingly adapted to the change.

Life seemed so easy for GIR. He placed his chin on top of the clothed head, finding himself gazing down at his robotic friend. What was it like to not have a care in the world about anything?

The deep sensation of ‘depression’, as Dib diagnosed it, weighed at him once more. A couple walked down the path, consisting of a female and male, hand in hand. Zim watched with a peaked interest. Their hands were interlocked as they talked together, swinging their arms in unison, joy radiating off of them like a preteen human girl’s perfume.

Zim moved his hands in front of him and slowly placed his palms together, weaving his claws against the other. A softness pooled at his gut. He bit his bottom lip with his fangs. That  _ ‘flustered’ _ emotion was coming back.

“Oh, GIR… what am I going to do?” Zim whispered, “I don’t understand anything.”

“We could go get ice cream. I like ice cream…” GIR replied.

The natural part of him wanted to argue. The new part of him wanted to agree, as a miserable dessert sounded happiness-inducing. Zim pet GIR’s head automatically before placing the companion onto the ground, getting up shortly after. “Ice cream it is, then.”

“Wee!”

“Wee indeed, GIR.”

  
  


“Oh, you have such a cute puppy!”

The man on the other side of the counter swooned over his robot friend. Zim was not amused, a hand on his hip as he watched the other stare in awe at his green dog. Looking around awkwardly, he felt his face itch, scratching it casually.

“Here, I’ll give you a free vanilla scoop for your dog. What did you want for your order?”

_ Really? My order comes last before my dumb dog?  _ Zim kept his complaint in the back of his mouth. “We will both have just  _ vanilla _ . Thanks.”

Vanilla they got. Stepping outside of the store, GIR absolutely devoured his cone, the cream spread all over his face. Zim was only taking timid licks. His attention was caught by a gasp and a giggle. Glancing, he noticed another couple, this time with two girls. A ginger girl had a miniature spoon coated in a light pink ice cream, and the other, a raven-haired, had a dot of pink on her nose. The red-haired leaned over, placing the spoon in the other’s mouth and kissed her shortly after.

Zim looked away, eyes wide. They were of the same gender, yet… he walked down the path, a newfound revelation inside of his head. He placed his hands together in front of his face again.  _ So, it is possible that two of the same gender on Earth can be together. _

While gender did not matter on Irk, only height, it was an interesting case to him. It was the equivalent of two shorter irkens being together or two tallests. He was, admittedly, amazed. On Irk, being of the same height and together was illegal.  _ Romance  _ was illegal, but back in the day, it was frowned upon to be of the same level. Tallests would choose their shortest to carry their smeets. It was an honor being chosen.

The irken went to the dog park as GIR requested and let his robot off the leash. As much as that sounded horrible, it seemed like GIR was genuinely enjoying his time with the Earth dogs. Zim stood to the side, watching with ease.

Zoning out for a while, lost in the void of nothing, he was taken off guard when a little human child walked up to him and tugged on his glove. The natural part of him wanted to tell her off for touching the mighty Zim. The new part of him just wanted to walk away.

“Hi.”

Zim blinked down at her. “Hi.”

“Your dog is cute.”

He didn’t know how to reply to that. “...Thank you,” he stated.

“My mommy says our dog is a pomeranian.” The blond girl turned to stare off into the field, apple juice in her hand. “He’s cute. But he’s annoying. He eats my barbies, and pees on my clothes.”

_ Why is this little thing interacting with me? _

“I suppose… Earth dogs will do that…” Zim slowly stated, unsure of what to conjure up. He had no idea what a pomeranian was, but he was assuming it was a breed of dog.

“What’s your dog’s name?”

“GIR,” he answered.

“I like that name. It sounds like a bear.” The child sipped her juice.

Silence fell between them. Zim didn’t know what to say to that. He never really heard anyone say they like GIR’s name before. It was rather unoriginal, recalling that it was one letter off from the unit he was.

“Do you want some animal crackers?”

Zim gazed down at her and found a red box in her hand. The sides of the box consisted of various Earth animals. “What are those?”

“Crackers.” She took one out and gave it to him. “Take it.”

“Does it… crack?” Zim asked cautiously as he took it.

“When you put it in your mouth it does.”  _ A food? _

He placed the head of the animal in his mouth, gently biting down. It crumbled within, and it was oddly sweet for such a dry treat.

Hearing a human woman shout, the child perked up. “Oh, that’s my mommy. I gotta go. Bye boy,” she waved her hand as she ran off. Down the field, Zim watched as an older woman whipped to see her child, a look of concern being replaced by one of glee. The woman grabbed her child by the waist and lifted her, smiling as she held her close and seemingly listened to the child speak.

Zim clutched at his chest, looking at the animal cracker, throat tightening up. Was this cracker laced with something? Emotion weighed at his body, and he quickly beckoned GIR back over. GIR ran towards him, arms out before pausing.

“Let’s go home.”   
  


Once he got inside his house, he slumped against the back of his door, thumping his head against the surface as he gazed at the ceiling. Zim couldn’t get the image of the child being lifted by its caretaker, smiling and happy. The  _ ‘mommy’ _ seemed scared without her.

Parents… Zim never had one of those. Sliding down his door, he fell to his bottom, legs spread out as he stared into the dark abyss of his house.

He kept the cracker. Staring at it with its decapitated glory, he rubbed the tip of his thumb against it. Mesmerized.

Zim placed the rest of it into his mouth, biting and tasting the food. Tears began to well at his eyes. He gave a quiet sob, not understanding this longing feeling.

He could see it so clearly now… Humans loved each other.

Zim couldn’t love.

—

Storming down the cafeteria, Zim found himself heading towards Dib’s table, who was innocently drinking water. Smacking his hands on the table, the boy jumped, staring at him weirdly. Gaz seemed unphased.

Plopping down on the seat, he stared at the human, who stared back, but a lot more curiously.

“...Uh—”

“You forged a technology that could remove my PAK,” Zim stated bluntly, “is that correct?”

Dib shrugged. “Well, I was thinking abou— wait, remove?  _ Remove?” _ He leaned back in surprise. “That’s… you… that’s… huh? Wait...”

“Stop blubbering,” Zim ordered, placing his elbows on the table and resting his chin on his interlocked hands. “When will your lab be ready?”

“Conveniently, it’s about ready. Of course, there are minor adjustments that need to be made, plus decoration, but…” Dib pondered before gasping. “Will I get to perform surgery?  _ On you? _ Oh, that’s  _ great.” _

Zim cringed. Unfortunately, Dib was his only option. He couldn’t perform surgery on himself, especially regarding his PAK, and he wouldn’t trust GIR with safety scissors, even with the plastic caps on. He groaned, burying his claws in his hair, rubbing his palms against his forehead.

“Don’t worry Zim, I’ve basically been practicing my entire life for this.”

“That’s what worries me,” Zim replied coldly. “You’d be operating on my PAK,  _ dingus,  _ not my squeedilyspooch.”

“Hah,” Gaz scoffed from beside Dib, who caught both of their attention. “Dingus.”

Dib rose a brow, unamused, before sighing. “Fine, Zim.” However, the boy remained delighted. It was getting on Zim’s nerves. “I’ll still need to build the thing though if we’re talking about PAK removal…”

Zim frowned. “We get started right away. After school.” He pointed at the human. “You will meet with me.”

“Sounds like a date!” Dib exaggerated with a grin.

Confused, he tilted his head. “Date? I suppose it is a time and place, yes,” he scratched his chin, wondering why Dib spoke the obvious.

“A date is when two people hang out,” Dib explained. “Usually it’s what  _ couples  _ do,” he teased.

“...We  _ are  _ a couple, aren’t we?”

Dib’s face turned pink. “It really is no fun teasing you, huh? You just don’t understand anything.”

Gaz snickered beside him. “Sucks to suck, Dib. You really chose this life.”

The boy frowned.

Zim winced. “I…” he started before getting up, “...have research to do.”

Walking down the school’s hallway and approaching the library, he peeled various books off the shelves and smacked them on a table. They were various types of fiction and non-fiction, and while Zim wasn’t keen on reading, his determination spited his laziness.

Smacking his rump on the chair, the library lady seemed absolutely bored, popping a piece of bubblegum with her mouth. Zim assumed with her lack of care for her position, he could get away with spending the rest of the school day here.

That he did.

Humans were so interesting. They told such different stories in such different ways. Zim had shoved books in his PAK before leaving once the bell rang and the lady told him to dash.

Though, he couldn’t stop reading. He pulled out a book and continued to indulge. Raising his eyes once outside, Zim noticed Dib with Gaz, waving to Zita. He rushed towards Dib.

Dib noticed him. “Hey.” He glimpsed at the book and raised an eyebrow. “Is that a maternal nurture book?”

Zim huffed. “Just take me to your stupid lab.”

The trio walked down the road. Zim couldn’t put down the book, learning more and more about humans. Of course, their biology was inferior compared to an irken’s, but he was so puzzled about human mothers.

“Why… are you reading that?”

“I met a human child.”

Silence. The only thing that could be heard were the quiet pings on Gaz’s phone as she played her mobile game.

“Yeah?”

“Do you doubt my word?” Zim gave a harsh glare to Dib, who raised his hands.

“No, I just…” Dib rubbed the back of his neck, “...I just thought you’d go more into depth about it, that’s all.”

Zim sighed. “I was at the dog park with GIR. A human child came up to me. She was talkative, and looked sticky, but she gave me something called an ‘animal cracker.’” He recalled the memory, “Then, her human mother called to her. They… they looked…” He tried to put a word to it before settling on, “...happy.”

Dib seemed thoughtful. “I sure hope so. I didn’t think that’d spark some weird obsession with you, though. I thought you deemed parents… ‘logically less straining,’” Dib quoted.

“I had a point,” Zim huffed, “They are. For me, at least.”

Approaching the Membrane property, Dib said goodbye to Gaz before heading towards the labs. Zim followed, placing his book in his PAK. Dib used his keycard to get inside, Zim following along. His eyes were wide as he took in all the details. The walls were white, fluorescent lights beaming from above, causing his head to ache just slightly.

Stepping into an elevator, Zim and Dib stood next to each other awkwardly. Zim’s eyes roamed about, rocking back and forth on his heels.

Finally, they stepped inside.

“Welcome, dear rival, to my lab.” Dib’s hand rested on the small of his back, causing him to tense. “Here, you’ll find the most exquisite of technologies.”

Zim was annoyed. “You can stop.”

“Why? It’s my place.” He plopped in a swivel chair, the wheels rolling against the tile as he spun slightly. “It’s all mine. Mine to invite the Swollen Eyeball over to, to have assistants and workers, to discover all the supernatural and paranormal sightings.” He stopped in front of a portrait of Professor Membrane, “...Right beside my dad.”

Zim cautiously approached, inquisitive on why Dib went quiet. He looked up to stare at the exaggerated image of the celebrity. “How does it make you feel?” He asked.

“What?”

“Your caretaker. He’s famous. How does it make you feel?”

Dib glanced at him from the corner of his eye before leaning against the large chair, elbows resting on the arm rests. “Miserable.” The human took the silence as a gesture to go on. “It’s cool and all, yeah, like we’ll forever be comfortable regarding money. I’ll be able to go to the best universities, have incredible resumes,  _ and  _ I’m brilliant.” He had his hand on his chest as he grinned, causing a sigh from Zim. “But… he’s never… here. With us. I basically raised Gaz if you think about it,” Dib murmured, “It’s hard being a big brother and a guiding force. I don’t even know where Gaz came from, my dad just kind of came home with a baby one day and… that was that.” His fists turned white as he grasped the arm chair’s edge. “It’s infuriating on how he barely raised one kid and grabs another. He didn’t even properly make the kid, he just cloned himself!”

“Dib—”

“I mean, he stripped an entire human being of his identity!”

Zim shut his mouth, an odd force overtaking him as it told him to stay quiet.

“How can anyone do that, Zim? Just… create an entire person, and leave it behind. Just for the sake of ‘real science’,” Dib mocked the last two words before giving a long exhale. “Well… at least he gave me this.”

As he noticed Dib had calmed down, he slowly put his hand on the other’s shoulder. Dib no longer seemed to flinch in surprise or gawk at him. Instead, Dib placed his hand on Zim’s.

Zim waited for a moment before saying, “He’s trying, Dib.”

Dib’s expression faltered. He sighed and wiped under his eyes beneath his glasses, though Zim didn't notice any tears. “Yeah.” The human glanced at him, a smile on his face before he got up. Now he towered over Zim, as  _ infuriating  _ as that was. “Well, let’s get this thing started, huh?”

They approached a table and sat on the opposite sides with stools, Dib placing down a machine that looked like it was meant for sewing. “We’re going to take this and change it up a bit. Basically, I’m going to add irken wiring to this, translate it into human code, and it’ll open up everything.”

Zim blinked at it. “How much is on my chip, exactly?”

“A bunch, but fortunately, it doesn’t look like it holds any signs of life in there. It just holds data and information.” Dib then looked weary, “...Though, I’m pretty sure if you’ve lived with it your entire life, your brain and body relies on it. It’s also attached to your spine and nervous system, which might prove to be hasty, but if I can just put those wires offline and remove them safely, you’ll be okay.”

A nervous chill crawled at his skin. He placed his head in his hands. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this.”

“It might take a few days and nights to finish… but if you get me coffee and help out, we’ll get it done in no time.”

Zim hesitantly looked up at Dib, who had an understanding smile on his face.

Dib reached over and grabbed one of Zim’s hands, holding it with both of his. “I know what it’s like to not have your own identity… to follow in a path that wasn’t yours to choose…” the human began, “but now you have that option. We both do.”

“...Right.”

Then, they worked. Zim was eager to assist with tools and to make his own modifications with the irken transmitter, while Dib was set on coding and wiring. Hours and hours had passed, a darkness shaping over the windows, a light shining down on the two unlikely partners. Zim had a cord in his mouth, biting down as he tried to lace the human and irken mechanics together. He began to wish that he brought some of his own tools.

An eerie silence fell from Dib’s half, and Zim glanced up to see that the human was staring at him. His head was on his hand, project long forgotten about. Zim blinked.

“What?”

Dib gave a chuckle, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “I… must be tired. Sorry.”

“Do you want to rest?”

“No, it’s fine.” Dib shook his head as he moved to grab a box filled with metal plates. “I’m going to get started on your back harness.”

Zim pursed his lips. “Alright…”

The human walked behind him, pulling up a stool right against his and sitting. Zim felt  _ flustered  _ again once Dib’s legs brushed against his own. Zim tried to focus on his work, but finding it difficult once Dib wrapped measuring tape around his chest.

Hands were on him, and Zim never felt more heated.

He had to contain the strange sensation that pooled in his belly. Zim was an irken. Irkens were disabled from reproducing. Though, the way Dib’s hands felt on his body… the heat that came from his touch… it was nearly overwhelming,  _ suffocating. _ This touch was different.

“Zim?”

“Huh?” Zim quickly stated after Dib said his name.

Dib replied, “Nothing. You just stopped. I thought something was wrong.”

“Nope… nothing.”

“Okay.”

Dib began to make a template for the harness that would be placed against his body and his PAK. It would make it easier to tear the metal shield off to get to the chip.

“So I read about irkens in the chip last week,” Dib started, his voice quiet, as if hesitant.

“Yeah?” Zim murmured, rotating a screwdriver into a nail, putting a section in place.

“Is it really true you…” Dib stopped. His hands froze on him, holding his waist. He knew Dib was staring at him, he could feel it by the strange sensation on the back of his neck.

“Spit it out already.”

“You… have a hole down there?”

Zim coughed. He placed his hand on his face. “Why… why would you ask me that?”

Dib placed his chin on Zim’s shoulder, causing the alien to freeze in surprise. “I’m… curious.”

“Curious?”

“Does your kind still feel lust?”

Zim recalled his very vague memory of Purple and the sensation he felt when watching human pornography. “Yes… but it’s shameful.”

Dib’s hands trailed down to his hips, giving a soft squeeze. “It’s not shameful here, though.”

He bit the inside of his cheek. “It isn’t.”

“You’ve been having a really hard time, too.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“I can help.”

Zim paused. His grip on his tool tightened. He had a faint idea of where Dib was going with this. He may be an alien on this planet, but he knew the signs. Did he want it? His PAK was arguing against his logic, but everything else in his body wanted to agree with Dib’s hands slowly moving up and down his sides.

“Help you learn about what they’ve hidden from you for so long… help you feel less tense…” Dib listed off, his hands on the tops of Zim’s thighs. It felt so warm, so nice to be touched.

“You don’t have to help me so much,” Zim muttered, “My PAK is just enough…”

“Let me repay the favor for getting me this lab,” Dib spoke against his neck, “for being the first person to listen to me. Proving that I’m not really crazy...”

Dib’s left hand held onto his hip as the other traveled over his crotch. Zim’s breath was held, and he tried his best to focus on his work, but the moment the hand cupped over his region made his body tremble.

“Have you ever…?”

“No,” Zim murmured.

“Interesting.”

Dib was feeling him through his leggings, and his legs were screaming at him spread wide. He tried his best to contain himself, knowing that Dib was probably going through his many human emotions, but…

_ This is wrong. He’s my enemy. He’s of another species. _

But it felt so good. Zim wanted to be touched. He felt himself pressing into Dib. It was humiliating, but thrilling.

Dib seemed to notice and chuckled. “Do you like being touched?”

Zim didn’t reply, biting his tongue in shame.

“I can probably see why… no one really ever coddled you.” The hand moved up to slowly push Zim’s shirt upwards, slowly inching down his pelvis to reach nearby his reproductive area. “You always seem to want more every time I touch you. Your face gets all pink, and you always lean into it.” Fingertips brushed against his clitoris, and he jumped. Dib shushed him, easing him into a lax state. “Who knew the alien who wanted to kill me actually wanted me?”

“I can say the same for you, Dib-creature…” Zim retorted under his breath.

Dib chuckled. “I can’t argue with you.”

Suddenly, Dib’s hand was petting his area, his body’s natural lubricant beginning to leak out. Zim gave a tiny exhale, leaning his back against Dib as he forgot his original purpose and stared at the action happening below them.

A ringing sound filled the room. Dib growled under his breath, Zim feeling intimidated at the harsh, deep sound vibrating against his neck before Dib’s free hand moved to pull out his phone. “Yeah?— Oh, dad,” Dib interrupted his original curt comment.

His hand was still between Zim’s legs. Zim placed his hand on Dib’s forearm to remind him, but Dib only ignored him, continuing to rub against Zim’s clitoris. He moved his free hand to bite at his knuckles, a hot, stinging anger overriding him as his rival was trying to embarrass him even further.

“I know I’m past curfew. I’m sorry. I’m in the lab.” Dib’s voice seemed distant, but also close. The human leaned over to watch the action too, his eyes focused on his hand as he spoke to his guardian on the cellphone. “I’ll be there soon.” The human frowned. “There’s no need to send anyone—  _ fine, _ fine, I’ll get going.  _ Please  _ don’t send anyone.”

Then, the call was ended. Dib seemed angry, his eyes dark as he moved down to slowly press a finger against Zim’s entrance.

“Dib…”

Penetrated, Zim gasped, clutching onto Dib’s arm. “Dib, you’re—”

“Why the hell does he give me a curfew when he’s never even home?” Zim’s legs twitched as the finger continued to rub at his insides. “He doesn’t care. I guess he just wants a sense of fucking power over me.” The harsh curse word made Zim’s antennae twitch beneath his cap. “Whatever.”

“Dib.”

Dib seemed to realize what he was doing and pulled out of Zim. “I’m… I’m sorry, Zim. Shit, did I hurt you?” The man leaned over to look at him.

“No, Dib.” Zim glanced at the human before feeling empathy wash over him again. “...It seemed like you were the one who was hurt.”

Those words seemed to hit the human hard. Arms wrapped around his waist, and while his inner thighs burned with an itch to be satisfied, he gulped them down. For now. Dib rested his forehead against his shoulder. “I wish I could bring you home with me.” 

This had taken a turn Zim wasn’t expecting. He awkwardly patted Dib’s head. “...There... there...?” Honestly, how was Zim supposed to comfort Dib? He had no idea what was happening.

“I’d play with you all night.”

_ Oh. _

The hot sensation returned to his face.

Dib chuckled. “I can feel your skin heat up. It’s… still cute, you know. You are.”

“Be quiet, filth.”

Dib got up. “I’d continue, but if I do, then I’ll be here all night…” The human helped the irken to his feet. “We can continue our project tomorrow, okay?”

“I’m guessing that doesn’t mean  _ just  _ the project,” Zim remarked.

Pink in the face, Dib shook his head. “I won’t do that again randomly. Sorry. I just… wanted to know.”

Zim then blurted, “You can.”

Silence fell between the two. It was awkward. Those two words didn’t even make sense. Why did he say that?  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, defective idiot, you’re so stupid, and useless— _

Dib took a few steps closer and tilted Zim’s chin upwards. “I’ll remember that.”

—

When Zim got home, he screamed.

Face down on the couch, he screamed for what seemed to be about an hour before the computer pleaded for him to stop. GIR had joined him a quarter in, and it was a unison of screaming, along with Minimoose giving an occasional ‘nya’.

“What did we just do tonight?!” Zim shouted at the top of his lungs, tugging his antennae down with his hands. “He touched me- and I- I liked it! I basically asked him for more! I did, GIR! I did!”

He wailed and grabbed onto Minimoose, hugging the little purple beast within his arms. “I don’t know who I am anymore. Am I even invader Zim? How can I be invader Zim if I no longer despise the Dib-monster with my entire core? When  _ I _ am the one being invaded?!  _ Me, _ GIR! I got invaded today!”

“You like himmmm,” GIR teased as he sat next to Zim. “You wanna kiss his face!”

Zim grumbled into the moose. “Kissing is  _ disgusting. _ I’d never put my face on his. That is despicable, GIR.”

“You like-like Mary!”

Feeling his body heat up at the thought of Dib’s hands on him, he groaned and flopped onto his side, cheek squishing against the furniture as Minimoose squeaked.

“Maybe I don’t hate him,” Zim grumbled, “he is not that bad. He is the  _ worst, _ but he’s not that bad.”

“Aww! Master!” GIR crawled on top of Zim and hugged him. “Master don’t hate no more…”

Zim felt his spooch soften. “Am I nicer when I don’t hate?”

“Ye! Eva’ since you an’ Mary been hanging out, Masta’ has been super duper nice!”

He bit down on his tongue. “GIR, how can I make  _ Mary  _ happy? He seems unhappy. He’s been helping me lately, and I… need to return the favor.”

GIR’s teal luminescent eyes blinked at him before smiling. “Google!”

“G...Google?”

GIR gestured to Zim’s base.

A dark feeling weighed over his body. He hadn’t been in his base since he left to get the Irken Armada’s firewall hacked into. He slowly got up, releasing Minimoose who seemed to ping-pong off of the couch and ceiling, hitting the floor and getting tangled in the ceiling’s wires. Zim approached the recycling bin hastily.

GIR was walking beside him.

“GIR, you stay up here…” Zim spoke, looking at him cautiously. “Watch the scary monkey show.”

“Okayyyy!” GIR saluted before rocketing himself onto the couch, immediately flipping on the television. Minimoose fell from the ceiling and cracked the floor beneath him once he made contact.

Stepping inside the bin, he instructed the computer to take him to his base. Zim was lowered, watching pink flashes appear before him.

Uncovered memories threatened him.

Irkens covered in white, flashing pink in his eyes.

Pink blood.

Dead irkens.

Zim closed his eyes, but it made them worse. It hurt, not being able to see or think at all.

He finally reached his base, giving an exhale of relief. Stepping towards the computer, he sat prudently, pulling his legs up to the chair. “Computer… open the human browsing program.”

A window pulled up on his screen. He hesitantly typed ‘Google.com’ and was brought to a webpage. “Okay… now…”

Typing in the words,  _ ‘HOW TO PLEASE HUMAN BOY’, _ he was surprised at the results.

He clicked on a link, and his eyes went wide.

—

Zim was in the hallway of his school, closing his locker shut and staring at it emptily. He wasn’t sure what was going on in his head, but there sure was a whole lot of nothing in there. The alien sighed before hearing a voice, jumping out of his skin.

“Hey, Zim.”

Whipping around, he noticed Dib.

“Do not jump on Zim like that!” Zim snapped, patting down his hair cap, as his antennae nearly flung it off out of surprise. “Idiot…”

Dib chuckled. “Walk with me.” That was not the reply Zim was expecting.

Zim frowned before hesitantly taking the other’s side as the moved down the hallway, other kids passing by. Suddenly, Dib’s hand met at his lower back, being planted there as he spoke. “You’re going to be working on the project with me tonight, right?”

Licking the bottom of his fanged teeth, he replied, “Sure.” He felt his veins pulse with blood at the thought. He had learned much about men’s anatomy online. With plenty of videos and tutorials, Zim would consider himself a master. At least, he hoped he could be considered one.

He wanted to take Dib by surprise, have the upperhand, show Dib that he’s not exactly a mopey pitiful mess.

“Good, good.” Dib smiled. “That’s what I like to hear.”

It was supposed to be for Zim’s PAK, not a so-called ‘booty call’. But was Zim going to complain after recalling his touch? Most likely not. Zim could decide on one thing, though.

Dib was confusing.

—

“Are you just going to read Twilight this whole time or actually help me with this?”

Zim was laid on a white countertop, one leg hung over the edge and gently kicking, the other raised and bent at the knee as he read the story about human vampires.

“Are vampires real, Dib-stink?”

He could see from the corner of his eye on how Dib lit up like a human’s Christmas tree. “Oh, yes, they most definitely are! You should totally read Dracula, and the one about that lesbian vampire. Oh,  _ god, _ they totally existed at one point. There were actual murders on people with bite marks on their neck and blood sucked out of them in the way early times of civilization. How can you explain that? There’s only one word for that.” Dib scooted his stool over to sit beside Zim. Zim moved his head to look at him. “Vampires.”

Zim closed his book and rolled over onto his stomach. He crossed his arms on the counter and rested his head on them. “So, does that mean werewolves exist?”

Dib nearly vibrated in his seat. Was he being an enabler?   
  


“They have to! We evolved from monkeys, how could we not have some dog blood in us, too? We’ve gotta have some connection with dogs if they love us so much!” Dib straightened his posture as he gestured with his arms. “All of these things exist. They’ve  _ gotta. _ Especially Bigfoot and mermaids. There’s no way they all can’t be real.”

Dib also interlocked his arms on the counter and leaned over, placing his chin on the back of his hand as he was nearly face-to-face with Zim. “...If you are real, then they’ve gotta be.”

Zim blinked before smirking. “I’ve seen much more scarier things than a half-human half-mutt.”

He watched as honey irises sparkled. “Seriously? Like what?”

“There’s an invasive alien species named Planet Jackers… at least, that’s what they call themselves.” He rolled the tip of his claw against the polished surface. “They steal planets and sacrifice them to their sun. I don’t know if it’s some weird religion or cultural thing, but they nearly stole Earth once. I think I tried to get your help, but you ignored me.”

Dib snickered. “Sounds like me.”

“Yeah, you were a real pain.”

“Go on about the Planet Jackers.”

“They actually had a treaty with the Irken empire. This was before I knew my entire mission was a hoax, but I had to go on top of the Earth, with these crazy wires wrapped around it, and battle them for the ownership of planet Earth.”

Dib gave a smug look. “Did you win, space boy?”

“Of course I did!” Zim boasted with a grin. “There’s an entire planet filled with slaughtering rat people, too.”

The human looked disgusted. “Like…”

“They’re just massive purple rats.”

“Oh, okay. I guess… that’s better looking, in a way.”

Zim gazed at Dib, watching as the other’s face twisted in thought. “Man… there must be so much out there.” He pursed his lips before glancing up at Zim. “...Do you ever get homesick?”

“Homesick…?” Zim murmured. He recalled the word as ‘missing somewhere that is home’. The alien assumed Dib was talking about Irk. “I feel a deep  _ hiraeth _ . A longing for a home that never was.” He shrugged. “Irk used to be beautiful. There are deep stories of how the planet used to have the most beautiful red and pink flowers, buildings that would reach as high as the Great Wall of China and looked like Babylonian architecture.” Zim gave a tiny scoff of a saddened amusement. “Those places still exist. I’d climb them, even though they were off limits to irkens… the Control Brains, the conquerors of my people, were so strict. They didn’t want any irkens to find out about their missing history, just that they needed to obey and invade.” Zim recalled the dents in the walls and the forgotten irken books within the degraded library. “I’d read plenty about Irk… until I was caught one day, and my mind was wiped.”

Zim contemplated. “Would I go back to Irk? No… I don’t want to go there. I was alone. If I went back, I’d remain alone.” He squeezed his arms. “I realized… how hard being alone is… after having just a sliver of friendship… witnessing human love and… and being heard… speaking up doesn’t get me wiped or scolded at…”

He bit his cheek. “There’s a lot in space, Dib. A lot of things I’ve seen. A lot of things I wish I didn’t,” Zim admitted. “But… even if this planet is filthy, I think I would rather stay here.”

“But why?” Dib blurted, his head moving up from his arm cradle. “There’s nothing here. Nothing to see. It’s not as exciting as probably all of the wonderful technology and planets elsewhere. You could really go anywhere and do anything, why waste it all here?”

Zim shrugged. “You could, Dib. You could do that and never have a place to call your own.” He moved to sit up onto his rump, hanging his legs off the ledge, plopping his elbows on his lap. “You know what’s above? A black void of nothing for eons. It took me six months to get to Earth. I was left listening to GIR singing the most  _ annoying  _ song known to the universe. And during that time period, I felt nothing but the crippling void of isolation.”

He looked away from Dib. “...Here on Earth, you can be anything. There are so many planets with slave trades and colonizing dictators.” The irken moved to slowly inch his hand to rest on top of Dib’s elbow. “Here on Earth… there’s you.”

Dib’s eyes turned round at the implication.

Embarrassed at how soft he was being, he removed his hand and looked away. “But I suppose you just want to get off this planet and explore.”

“I do. You’re right, but…” Dib got up from his seat to move Zim’s knees to place himself in between them. “...I still need to explore you first.”

“Oh?”

“How can I go into space when I don’t even know much about my little irken invader?” The title gave him a butterfly feeling within his spooch. Dib grabbed his hips to pull him closer, their bodies pressed together.

“Don’t you think what we do together is a little weird for enemies?”

Dib pondered. “It would be for anyone else, yeah.” He tapped his finger against Zim’s thigh. “We’re different though.”

Zim’s face turned hot. “I feel like we’re rushing this… this thing we’re doing… like it’s going too fast.”

Dib turned Zim’s face towards him. “Is it really rushing if I’ve been wanting to do this for years?”

Everything slowly slid into place for Zim. So, Dib did all of that yesterday because he had longed for a while… was that why the human had stared at him? Zim was unable to tell the emotion on his face, or the one dripping in his tone. He could only pinpoint desire. Zim requited that same fire.

“...I want to do something for you, Dib.”

Dib blinked in surprise. “You don’t have to—”

When Zim’s hand moved to cup at Dib’s jeans, the human tensed.

He felt his tongue squish against his two rows of teeth. Dib stared at him, but no words were spoken. It was a quiet gesture to continue. Zim palmed him through his jeans, recalling the way the woman pleased that one human man. She seemed so good at it. He didn’t have his own ‘cock’ to experiment with, so he’d just use Dib’s.

Zim unbuttoned Dib’s jeans and unzipped them, the hardening genitalia slipping out of human boxers. He slowly moved his gloved hand to wrap around the base. Zim knew Dib enjoyed the coolness of his protective gloves by the way his breath hitched. He gave slow pumps, moving his claws along the sides, before curving his palm to gently press against the head. Dib was leaning against him, head on his shoulder as their bodies tangled. Continuing to pump Dib’s cock, he used the pad of his thumb to roll around the top.

“Zim…” the other groaned.

It felt good to hear that.

“You’re doing so well.”

That felt even better.

Motivated even further, he continued to stroke Dib. The human’s length was pulsing, twitching. He could notice a wet coat of ‘precum’ as the woman stated coat the edge of his hand.

Amused, Zim murmured, “You’re enjoying it a lot.”

“I have a thing for small green aliens.”

Composing himself, Zim continued to mainly tease the head and give long, deep strokes against the human’s length.

He found a hand slowly traveling up his thigh and meeting at his own groin. The fingers moved up his clothing to slide down and prod at his bulb, stroking it between the index and middle finger before traveling down his entrance to sink inside. Zim gasped, tightening his grip on Dib, who joined him in the inhalation of breath. Soft pants could be heard from both parties, going into a heat-like phase.

“Zim, you’re so fucking wet,” Dib commented under his breath, a husky tone following. Zim shivered.

“You’re getting bigger...” Dib was so girthy. It made Zim feel weird but in all the right ways.

Dib growled into his neck. “I want to fuck you.”

Everything about that statement made Zim buck his hips against Dib’s. The human licked his lips. “You liked that, huh?”

“Shut up.”

“You’re so easy to please.”

“Quiet…” Zim interrupted his order with a moan once Dib’s fingers continued to press inside of him, making a mess.

It seemed like Dib couldn’t take any longer. Pinning Zim to the countertop, Zim felt his breath hitch. “Wait…”

Dib assured him, “I’m not going to take you… not yet. I just…” He was yanked closer to the human, slowly moving his genitalia to align against Zim’s leggings, right on top of his entrance. “Ah…” The man began to grind against him, rubbing against the clothed entrance. His cock rubbed against his clitoris, causing him to shiver in delight.

“I’ve wanted to see you under me like this for so long, Zim… now that I have it…”

The rutting caused his entire body to fling into a dazed-like state. All he could focus on was the way they rocked together, leggings rubbing against his tender spots teasingly, clinging to him in all the right ways as Dib puffed out hot breaths. It was so new, so foreign, the feeling of itchiness that came with the need to get closer to Dib, to be penetrated, taken, and claimed. To think he would stoop so low as to mindfully request such actions of his human rival…. it made his loins burn.

Zim clutched onto Dib’s coat, pulling him closer. “I feel strange… I feel that  _ ‘come’ _ arriving.”

“Then come for me, Zim.” The boy leaned down at gave a long lick at his neck. That was the finale for the irken, his body’s thighs tingling with a heat before finding his body stiffening just slightly beneath Dib as a warmth spread over him. Zim’s breath hitched, and he pressed himself so tightly against Dib that he could swear that Dib nearly penetrated him. The human seemed to sense it too, and found himself pressing against Zim so harshly that a sticky moisture covered his inner thighs when Dib pulled his pelvis away slightly, breathless.

Dib stared down at the mess.

“God, Zim, what have we gotten ourselves into...?” It seemed like that comment was more for himself, as he didn’t seem to look for a response while gazing down at the once active area.

Zim was still attempting to come down from his high. His body ached with the need for touch, and he found his body raising in temperature within the places Dib currently touched. Dib gazed at him, hazy-eyed, before meeting face-to-face.

Dib grabbed Zim’s jaw and pulled him for a kiss.

It was strange. Weird. But… revolutionary. Zim’s eyes were wide open before fluttering shut, following Dib’s lead. Zim had never kissed before, and he said he wouldn’t, it was strange, but it seemed so whole with Dib. The irken wrapped his arms around Dib’s shoulders, gripping black hair with claws.

They parted.

“I hate you, Dib,” Zim murmured tediously.

Dib smiled. “I hate you more.”

“That’s not scientifically possible.”

Amused, Dib shook his head. “We should get back to work, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY DID ITTTT almsot BASICALLY AUUUEUUUU

**Author's Note:**

> zim is so hard to write i'm sorry


End file.
